On Creating

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A two leaved plant grows from a stack of books. Text reads: growing a plot from a stem

Growing a Plot From a Stem

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A Third Kind of Madness In Sleep You Know On Creating Writing

So last night it started. What, you ask?

The dreams. Dreams about my current story, the characters interacting, the plot and where it’s headed.

When this happens, I know my brain is in full storytelling mode. And this is when the real magic starts to happen for me, because I’ll be thinking through scenes in my head in the shower, while grocery shopping, or eating dinner. It’s so exciting!

When I start writing, I have characters and a vague idea what the story’s about, and not too much else. I let the characters and mood develop and then the plot will reveal where it’s going. If it sounds like I’m kinda hands-off-the-wheel in this process, you’re right. I trust that there’s a plot there, and there always is.

This particular story grew from a stem I’d wrote down years ago. It took that long to get here, but I knew it would bloom when it was ready. Trust!

⬆️ I wrote that earlier today over on Mastodon, and I wanted to expand on it here, because there’s a lot to talk about!

Plots, pants… plants?

I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that in a world of writers that often divide into “plotter” and “pantser” camps, I’m definitely a “planster.” I can hear some of you asking, “What’s the difference?”

Planners are all about drawing up an outline and strongly defining their plot before they get started. They know where they’re headed, they’ve got the map at the ready, and generally the ride is smooth because of all the planning they did before they even started writing the actual tale. There’s a lot to be said for this method because of that.

Pantsers are the total opposite: they sit down and turn loose the ol’ brain on the paper or keyboard. They might have a general idea of where they want to go, or maybe they just metaphorically get in the car and drive around as their heart leads them. It’s basically discovering the story as you go, which is exhilarating but also can lead to frustration if it remains aimless for too long.

Plansters? [I’ve also seen it as plantser] They’re somewhere in the middle, and the degree to which they lean to one side or the other can vary wildly. It’s okay to claim one of the first two titles as your method and still use some techniques from the other, by the way. I think most writers do, again to varying degrees.

The way I create my stories works in this way:

I’m an extremely character-driven writer, so the main character[s] show up first, usually in an opening scene that sets the tone of the story to come. I do a lot of pre-writing in my head, playing out scenarios like I’m telling myself a story, before I ever commit the characters to the page in any way. This way I can see if there’s a viable story to be shared, or if it needs to be shelved for later.

That’s actually what happened with the current WIP, which I’ve been talking about under the acronym ATKOM for now. When it first appeared, the MC was a guy, and someone who had given up on any artistic abilities early on in childhood. Now the MC is non-binary, and a talented photographer. What stayed was the muse love interest and the MC’s extreme shyness and awkwardness. Oh, and the art collective with the unpleasant leader, Joolie. The story’s plot also has gone in a completely different direction than I originally imagined that it would, and I feel it’s much stronger for that.

So I come up with characters, or more properly – they show up, and I put them in a scene and see how they work and what happens. When it gels and feels exciting, I keep going. At this point, I generally have no idea where the story is going. I just let the scenes unroll naturally and explore from there.

Using In Sleep You Know as an example: I knew my opener was Merrick showing up uninvited to a party, which unbeknownst to him was being thrown by a house full of Fae. Classic, right? Lots of possibility in that scene.

I also knew Merrick was a musician, and kind of aimless and unmotivated but clever and resourceful enough when his back was to the wall. Every single thing else happened in the exploratory first chapter without a plan. Aisling showed up with her ability to walk in other people’s dreams, and Cullen, who started out as jaded and just tagging along for a good time but quickly warmed into a likeable guy.

From there, things changed rapidly. When I started writing, there was no Lucee or Sousa or The Maithe, and certainly no Gwyliannan of Tiennan House. Vali showed up all on her own and she and Sousa carved out their own subplot without any conscious input from me! Which really is something, as Vali is one of my favorite characters to date.

What happens next?

So here’s what usually happens after the characters establish themselves and the story starts to get some ideas of what it wants to be. [Yes, I’m anthropomorphizing my stories and characters, but in many ways they really do have lives of their own.]

About 20,000 to 30,000 words in, I sit down and think about character arcs and where I want the story to go. Usually at this point I already have a good idea of what I want, but no matter how I loosely plot out things I always leave room for sudden changes and swerves. These characters will do unexpected things, I tell you! For example, originally I thought Brenna would be the one to show Merrick how to shape a raven, but our small and gentle friend Quillan stepped up instead. He’s another character who I didn’t have plans for but he insisted on being more important than I would have guessed.

Photo by spencer vandermeer on Unsplash

Okay, so far I:

  • Imagine some characters
  • Put them in an opening scene with a vague idea of what I want to happen
  • Start writing, letting the characters do their thing
  • If it’s gelling, around 20,000-30,000 words sit down and make a loose outline and character arcs if I haven’t already*

My outlines are basically me sitting down and writing out beats – the important moments that drive the story along – making sure to include key interactions between characters that I want to see happen and why, as well as where plot points might converge or reveal important details. It sounds more complicated than it really is. I mean, here’s the fleshed out beats from the first couple of chapters of ISYK:

  • Merrick goes to House Mirabilis
  • Meets Aisling, she saves him from Edana, Cullen tags along
  • The Ladies go after Merrick, Morgance loses and has to offer name [no one is sure why they go after him so hard]
  • Merrick is introduced to Fallon and she says he is under their protection
  • He joins the party, meets Sheridan, drinks and eats
  • Fallon asks who will stand for him, Aisling, Cullen, and Sheridan say yes
  • Fallon tells him who they are [fae, Eleriannan] and asks him if he will join them for seven years. He says yes.]

Note that I wrote this part of the outline *after* I wrote those chapters. My outline for the last part of the book is a lot more vague:

  • construction of gates so that there can be free movement
  • why does Genaine claim no knowledge of gates
  • who will guard gates
  • what comes from Lucee’s pledge to Genaine [redacted]
  • Vali’s graffiti
  • [redacted]
  • Vali wards The Maithe, Grimshaw attacks in front, they grab [redacted]
  • Tell them that if they surrender The Maithe, [redacted] will not be harmed

So you can see, it’s more about what I know I need or want to cover, less about “this is how it’ll go” – there are even some things in that outline that I didn’t share here that never came to pass. I guess in some alternative timeline, maybe they did?

I’ll tell you the truth here – I didn’t even write this part of the outline until I was at what I knew to be the last third of the book. Right around there everything came to me in a rush, and I knew where the story was going, though the last couple of chapters still shocked the heck out of me. If you’ve read ISYK feel free to message me and ask what the surprises were!

So this is a pretty long post and I’ve got more to say, including tips for managing all the bits and pieces floating around waiting for that outline to corral them, so tune in for Part Two to learn about things like how a planster manages characters over a long arc that isn’t really planned out at all, and how character-driven plots work for me.

Until next time!

Sculpture of tall poles that taper at the top like hair against blue sky and pink clouds. Text says "reach for the sky"

2023: Reach For The Sky

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Goals On Creating Personal

First and foremost, Happy New Year to you, my readers and supporters – without you, I’d just be yelling into the void and listening to these voices in my head instead of writing their stories down to share! You are the reason for everything and I hope your year to come is filled with everything good and fulfilling. 💜

Even before this time of the year – the annual musing on endings/beginnings days – got here, I’ve been thinking about what I want to change about how I’m living. It’s reflected in my Word of the Year, which is Embrace. I’ve been living a life with many restrictions since before the pandemic started, when I had my first emergency surgery and subsequently had my diagnosis of Crohn’s Disease. Basically, I was out of commission from the end of August 2019, then when started to get healed to the point where I was able to live a life again, everything went into lockdown. Surprise! Then my health began to spiral downwards again, so I wasn’t interested in doing much anyway.

Ironically, during this time I did write and publish two books, the first ones in the Eleriannan series. So despite being restricted, I continued to create and grow. However, 2022 has been the most challenging for me since the end of 2019. I was sick and miserable, unable to do much or feel safe in leaving the house for anything but short errands. In fact, the last time I did anything fun or challenging was when I was a vendor at the Baltimore Faerie Faire back in April. That was a blast, and I’m so glad I did it, because not long after my body went into a Crohn’s flare and there I stayed until my eventual surgery in September. Then there was the second surgery in November, and a recovery that’s felt like an uphill climb.

Finally, finally, I feel like myself again. Well, mostly? It’ll take time to regain stamina and strength, but I’m feeling re-energized and more alive than I have in ages. That bodes well for you as a reader, because I’m back to writing daily, making steady progress on Stories of the Eleriannan #3, which I’ll be talking about more in coming days! My writing schedule has been kinder and more in sync with my current abilities and energy levels.

Image of Min Yoongi aka SUGA of BTS dressed in white in front of a grey wall. Text/caption reads "I think I'm also gonna try something really big this year"
I’m following your lead, Yoongi.

Back in August, I wrote a list of Reach For the Sky Big Achievements that I want to happen in my writing career. These are goals that the parts of my mind that are rational and nay-saying look at and just bust a gut laughing at my audacity. But you know what? I’m a huge believer that if you don’t put it out there, it won’t happen.
I think I’ve written about these goals somewhere in public before, but again, it hurts nothing to put them out there again. I mean, I’m sure some people will read this and also laugh at my audacity. It’s cool, go ahead! It is audacious, and that’s the point. If you don’t dream about a seemingly unreachable future, how can you even get halfway there?

So in no particular order, here is my List of Future Achievements:

  • published short stories that I’m paid for
  • several bestsellers [by some unidentified metric]
  • to be a panelist at cons [ult goals are Balticon, Nebula Conference, World Fantasy Con, Worldcon]
  • to be a Guest of Honor at any of the above
  • to win a Nebula and/or Hugo
  • to run a writer’s class and be paid fairly for it
  • to get 50+ positive ratings on each of my books
  • to have created a body of work

Reminder: I said these were reach for the sky. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t out of reach. The important thing, in my opinion, is to create goals that are HUGE and RIDICULOUS. Aim for things that seem impossible, then structure your plans so that every step in that direction brings growth. Even if you never make the big goals, you’ll have an amazing outcome.

And let me say this, because it’s important: this is what works for me. You don’t have to have goals like these, or goals at all! I am a very goal-driven person and I use manifestation energy to great success, but I know not everyone works like that. For every method there’s a bunch of people who do it differently, and it’s important to use what works for you.

So how do I plan to work toward these goals? I’ll be sharing my steps with lots of personal detail and insight over on my Ko-fi, in the Writer’s Life and Craft tier. Successes and failures included! I hope you’ll join me over there. Even the free tier often gets updates that I don’t post over here!

Do you have any “Impossible” goals? I’d love it if you’d share in the comments!

Woman with long hair pulled back wearing a white shirt and dark pants is in a dancing pose. Text overlaid says No Language Just Sound. Photo by Leon Liu on Unsplash.

Dance: no language, just sound

On Creating Personal

I’m going to talk about dancing, because I haven’t done that here yet and I’ve loved dancing just as long as I’ve loved music/singing and writing, which is to say pretty much my entire life.

CW: talk about disordered eating and exercising

My love of dance is one of the things that’s shaped me. And dancing and music are important in my Eleriannan stories, though I haven’t written one that focuses directly on dancing. [yet!]

I started ballet along with tap and jazz in elementary school, like a lot of AFAB kids in the US do. We were pretty poor but Mom knew I dreamed of being a ballerina, so she did her best to get me classes, at least until she got too busy with work to take me and pick me up.

I was able to do at least one recital before I stopped going to dance classes. But I continued to practice, doing my barre and floor warmups anywhere I could. I made up my own routines and would often stay up late dancing in my room when I should be asleep.

Later, in high school, I fell in with the theater people and that became my life.

We had an unofficial dance troupe and would dance at talent shows, school dances, or in random places. By the way, this is where I got over my fear of being in front of a crowd. [I have a whole another thread I could write about my time with the Thespian Society and the theater group and how that shaped me.]

Somewhere in here, lost to time and foggy brain cells, is when I was told in no uncertain terms that I would never be a professional dancer, especially a ballerina. I wasn’t tall and thin. I had great poise and technique but I was getting too busty.

I started exercising and stretching and dancing all the time. I didn’t eat enough. I went to college for theater and minored in dance and worked out constantly – weight lifting and swimming added to everything else – and I hated the food and I was depressed, so I ate even less. I dropped weight and I still wasn’t thin enough. *

In my beginner ballet class, which was my only path for getting ballet for college credits, my teacher praised me for my “good feet” and positions and control and asked if I’d danced before. Heh.

My modern dance teacher liked my fearlessness and technique.

Image of a woman with light brown skin and hair pulled back in a tight bun standing with her hand outstretched to the camera in a dancer's pose. Focus is on her hand. Photo by Olivia Bauso on Unsplash.
Photo by Olivia Bauso on Unsplash

Aside: I was majoring in theater. I eventually dropped out because the theater department wouldn’t cast me in anything – not because I lacked skill, but because I dyed my hair and shaved the sides and OMG I wasn’t leading lady material anymore. To which I replied, “I didn’t want those roles anyway, I like character roles. And haven’t you heard of WIGS?” Seriously, what the hell.

So I dropped out, and for a while my life was turbulent and I didn’t dance much. I starved, and I got too thin, which still wouldn’t have been thin enough to be a ballerina, ironically. And then I started going to clubs that played goth music and alternative college music and I started dancing for fun again. I would dance all night, using all the skills I knew to express the music. It was so freeing! No routines, just the music and my body and the flashing lights and atmosphere. Everyone else around me, doing the same thing. It was heaven.

I never did dance with an organized group again.

I continued going to goth clubs, and eventually I became a DJ and ran a night and would often be one of the first people on the dance floor, encouraging others to get out there and move. I like goth clubs. Sure, there are elitists – there are in any scene. But in general, they’re a great equalizer. Anyone can get out there and dance, and you don’t have to be good at it to enjoy it. No one cares. I’ve seen amazing dancers and ones who just do what I call the gothic two-step [you know, one to the right, then back to the left] or just sway to the tunes. It’s all great! Some people get aggressive, others swirl around. Some are really built and fit and often will show off their bodies in their moves on the floor. Others are curvy or rounder or very thin and they also get out there and move to the music and it’s beautiful every time. Speaking as both a dancer and a DJ, there’s nothing more entrancing to watch than a dance floor full of every type of body and style, all moving together yet in their own worlds.

Before I knew I had Crohn’s, my weight started fluctuating wildly and I didn’t know why. I danced every weekend and walked everywhere, it didn’t make sense. But my family has this extra-curvy body type, so I figured it was just fate. I didn’t link my gastric problems to that at all. Despite having lots of issues, I still was walking long distances and dancing all night. Even up to the day I had to rush to the ER with my bowel perforation, I had been going to the gym to work out regularly and dancing all the time.

After that surgery, things got harder.

I couldn’t bend properly at my waist for a long time. When I say properly, I mean freely, without having to think about the movement and what I might mess up internally – stitches, a surgical hernia. It sucked. I couldn’t lift anything heavier than 10lbs either, and I had no stamina.

Eventually I started doing barre exercises in the kitchen again [that’s my favorite place to do those – a kitchen counter makes a great barre] and slowly regaining my stamina. I started doing “tiny little goth club” sessions in my bedroom late at night, with disco lights and everything. I’m sure my neighbors were confused by the flashing lights coming from my window!

And then, just recently… two more surgeries. I was back to limited bending and no stamina again. I’ve *just* started feeling like I can dance and bend, even though I’m actually still healing the surgical wound. My disease makes healing slow, but I can’t stop dancing. At this point I’m almost 56, chubby, with creaky dancer’s knees and a chronic illness that gives me extra inflammation and fluctuating weight.

I’m not letting that stop me. Movement to music is in my blood, in my soul.

I’ll always be a dancer, no matter what anyone else thinks. No one can take that from me.

* The incessant starving/overexercising certainly didn’t help my Crohn’s, either. I’ve suffered through disordered eating most of my life and it definitely affected my body in ways I’ll never recover from. Don’t do it, y’all.
ps – title comes from lyrics to Transmission by Joy Division
hands with pale skin on a laptop keyboard, typing. There are question marks in the air and the text The Big Why.

A Big Why for 2023

On Creating Personal Writing

I’ve been writing this post about writing stories with hope, and I was about a third of the way through when I stalled out. It isn’t that I don’t have a lot to say about writing hopeful stories, or why I think we need them. It’s just that something more personally important to me took over my brain and insisted that I write about it first. Okay, brain, you win.

I’ve been thinking about the Big Why, as in “Why do you do X thing?” aka “What’s your motivation?” It’s been on my mind for a while, actually, combined with thoughts about legacy and how much fame is enough. It’s all entwined together in my thoughts, so I’ve been pulling at the threads.

I’ll be 56 at the end of the year. Even though I don’t feel old, creeping time and a body dealing with chronic illness have really brought those thoughts to the forefront. A brush with death will really make you question what you’re doing with your life! In my case, I’ve been considering the path I’ve taken and what I want to achieve with it. It comes down to three big questions:

  • What have I done?
  • Where am I going?
  • What will I leave behind?

What I’ve done [so far]

I can’t be mad at the list of things I’ve done so far. It isn’t “distinguished” or “laudable” I suppose, but I managed to achieve so many things I always wanted to do.

I’ve got the ridiculous job list of: performer, musician, DJ [both club and radio], fiber artist, small business owner, writer, teacher of arts, professional cook, barista and coffee roaster, office manager, restaurant manager, occult bookstore/botánica manager, boutique manager, and for a short while… clown. Some of those jobs were things I’d dreamed about doing, like being a DJ and singing in a band.

If you’ve read my books you’ll see many of these jobs come up as things the supporting characters do for a living. Food service in particular is a forgiving occupation and perfect for those who might be considered outsiders. Bar/club jobs, too. They allow musicians, writers, and other creatives a way to make a living, because creative pursuits aren’t generally lucrative until you reach the big time, and sometimes not even then. Those jobs allowed me to pay bills and also look the way I wanted to look, with brightly dyed hair and piercings. These days it’s more accepted, but I had a lot of rejections back in the day thanks to my style alone. As that was something that brought me joy, I didn’t compromise, and found ways to make it work. Those values show up in my characters, too. They believe in who they are and how they want to be seen in the world.

Now I write full time, and I share the stories with the world that I’ve been creating since I knew what a story was. I am not a well-known writer, though I’m making strides in getting my name out there. There are a lot of other writers out there, and although I don’t look at any other creative as competition but rather as a colleague, it does make it a little harder to be seen and noticed. I know that it takes time and hard work to establish oneself. But I do worry that I’ll never get the readership that I’ve dreamed of having. It takes so much labor to get one’s books seen and picked up by anyone!

Where am I going?

Here’s part of what’s been kicking around my brain: what do I expect from this, from being an author? The concept of fame and what it gives – and its toll – have been something I’ve thought deeply about.* I am quite far from being famous right now, and maybe it’s presumptuous of me to even think about being well known in the SFF world, or any other world. I don’t want fame as much as knowing that there are enough people out there enjoying my work that I’ll know that I left at least the smallest ripple on the water. It’s an “I was here, dammit!” but also a “I felt this, and if you did too, I wrote things that will make you feel less alone – did you find them?”

I can’t control how my legacy is finalized. But I can keep doing the things that I do best, and I can keep trying to improve on them. I can continue to share my words and thoughts and encourage others who want to follow the same path that I’m on. I can pay attention to the world around me, especially the parts that are different from the ones I’ve experienced, and talk about them in my stories, and in social media. I can contribute money and time and words to the causes that I think need me.
It’s not any different than what I’m already doing, though.

What else? I can keep making connections. I can do my best to educate myself, both in honing my craft and how to connect better on behalf of my works. I can keep working to make myself a better person. I can keep building community by sharing what I’ve learned and by lifting other creatives up, especially those with less privilege than me. I can continue to be open, honest, and vulnerable about my struggles and triumphs. I can try to keep myself positively focused, even when things are a struggle.

In my dreams, I want to have written books that are widely read, the kind that somehow win prizes and acclaim and get my name in the conversations with other authors with the same kind of themes and goals. I’d like to sit on panels about kind stories and the power of hope in SFF and bringing magic into urban landscapes that aren’t all gentrified. I want to attend more conventions and other events [health willing, of course] and feel like I actually have a peer group and that I belong there. Some of these goals I can’t control, but there are enough here that I can actually put effort into manifesting. Let’s see what the future holds, shall we?

What will I leave behind?

That’s the big question, the one I can’t answer. Will I be forgotten? Will my stories disappear? Will my legacy be a moderately infamous small goth club night that happened during the late 90s/early 00s in Central VA, and some remnants of my personal musical taste that linger? Or will I be able to leave something more lasting and [hopefully] more impactful?

In some ways, I guess it’s none of my business. I won’t be here to take joy in what people say after I’m gone, so I’d better focus on what I do now.

I promise that I’ll always be open and honest with you, reader. Maybe [probably] oversharing at times, because I have a policy of showing the lows and the highs equally. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that it’s helped them, to see their struggles mirrored in what I share. Maybe that’s my legacy. I don’t know. Maybe a legacy really doesn’t matter if I help someone now.

* I wanted to share the new track from RM’s latest, Indigo, here. It’s called 들꽃놀이 [Wild Flower] and the lyrics are deeply personal and talk about fame and the toll it takes. I’ve probably cried over it a hundred times since it released a couple of days ago.

Even before the start, I imagined
An end where I could applaud and smile
That’s what I wishеd for
When everything I bеlieved in grew distant
When all this fame turned into shackles
Please take my desire away from me
No matter what it takes
Oh, let me be myself

들꽃놀이 Wild Flower, RM

These people? Oh, they’re all me.

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Characters On Creating

People tell you to write what you know. It’s one of the most common pieces of advice to aspiring writers.

And it works: when you put down words that are based in your lived experience, they ring true. They are solid, trustworthy, something understandable by most readers. It’s why autobiographical books from famous people often do well. Readers want to feel what it was like to live that life, be involved in those moments, understand the parts of the story that weren’t shared with the general public at the time. Maybe it’s a voyeuristic compulsion, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just curiosity.

As a writer who skews towards fiction — fantasy fiction, at that — it’s on me to create characters that are interesting, realistic, and relatable. I also have to build plots that are compelling and full of depth and good storytelling, and that includes plotlines and devices that readers can get behind and believe in, even in that fantasy world.

That’s where my experiences, quirks, obsessions, and history come into play. As a writer, I take bits and pieces of what I’ve lived and observed, who I am and have been, and people I’ve known or encountered, and I turn all of that into parts of my stories. I’ve had friends ask me things like “So… Sousa. He’s based on ______, right?” or “Club Marcada is totally _____! I recognized it right away!” I’ve had other people tell me that different characters or scenes remind them of people or places that I don’t know, but they feel familiar and comfortable to them.

What’s funny about that, and also awesome? That readers can see bits of their lives in these books, in these stories that came wholly out of my head. And yet the people and places are all also influenced by people and places that I’ve known and experienced, as well as bits from me directly. It feely surprisingly universal in some aspects.

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

Because people ask, I’ll tell you a few “secrets” about the characters and some details in my books that come directly from me or my life.
I write about music and musicians convincingly because I am a musician and DJ. I spent time performing as well as running a club night with live music, so all the details are quite familiar to me.
Lucee’s impostor syndrome is 100% reflective of my own. The frustration that Cullen feels watching Lucee struggle with this is also drawn directly from my own experience.
Club Marcada is based on a real club that I used to patronize and DJ in as well. Some details have been changed but the feel is 100% accurate and represents my love for tiny bars/clubs that are keeping the independent music scene alive.
Descriptions of Emmaline’s illness come from my own experiences, especially the crushing fatigue she deals with.
Sousa’s and Sheridan’s characters both have some aspects from people I have known, and yes they were that funny and drunkenly ridiculous at times. The parties at House Mirabilis are also based on real parties I’ve attended. Yes, Fae weirdness included.

Most importantly, though — all the characters, every single one, has bits of me in them. Vali’s undying optimism, Merrick’s adaptability, Morgance’s fierceness, Cullen’s vulnerableness… I even gave part of me to Camlin, though I’m not giving that away here either. You’ll have to find me at event and ask me about that, I guess!

So yes, write what you know. Don’t be afraid to put you and your knowledge all throughout your stories. People will feel it, and will connect with it. I promise.

spray painted slogan "trust your struggle" against black brick wall

Trusting The Struggle

On Creating Writing

When the writing fights back…

It’s not writer’s block that gets me. I always have words and stories! It’s when a particular story takes a hiatus unexpectedly that I find myself struggling.

What do I mean by “hiatus” you might ask? Well, let me tell you about what’s been happening lately and share some tips with you while I’m at it, in case this happens to you.

For me, stories come on their own time.

Some writers can push through blocks or pauses in the writing process. I am not one of them, and I don’t think that’s a healthy approach for me anyway. A pause is when the story stops rolling out of my brain and through my fingertips onto the screen for a short period. It isn’t the same as a block–where nothing will come and it feels like a scramble to find any words at all–it’s more like needing to hit the pause button on a video while I take a bio or snack break. Except in this case I’m not the one hitting the pause button, it’s the story itself.

It’s like the story needs to gather itself together before we can go on telling it.

When the story is ready again, the words will start to flow as if nothing ever happened. It’s pretty magical, honestly. I’ve talked before about how my characters come to me already fully realized and with their own personalities and agendas. I don’t have control over them, I swear. They bust in and do what they want! The stories themselves are much the same way. I control how the words come out, and I have plot ideas and places I want the characters to go. But once things start, I often feel like I’m along for the ride while the story spills out with no regard to what I planned on or wanted.

[Yes, realistically I know that I’m responsible for the whole shebang. I’m not channeling some great Spirit of Storytelling or something. Or am I?]

Photo by Issara Willenskomer on Unsplash

So what to do when this happens?

The truth of it for me is that I can’t force the writing. That just pisses me off because nothing comes out right. I’ll just end up ditching all of it. But I can work on other things in the meantime. What that means is that my brain is still engaging with my creative centers, and I can let the other story sit in the background and marinate in possibility until it’s ready to re-engage with me.

What that means is that I’ve had TWO stories I’ve been working on. The secondary one is just for me right now; I may or may not release it to the public at some point. I’m just writing it for the sheer joy of interacting with the characters and the plot. That’s what I mean when I say I’m not blocked, by the way. I have no end of tales to tell and words to string together.

Other ways I handle a pause in a story flow:

  • immerse myself in another different creative activity
  • do something physical like dancing or walking
  • work on social media and blog posts
  • go on an Artist’s Date *
  • take a break and pamper myself for a few days

In my current case, the break has been for an extended time, so I’ve indulged in several of these tactics!

The biggest piece of advice I can offer is try not to panic. I know that it can feel scary and overwhelming to have your writing just shut off like that, but trust the struggle and your skills and know that this is a learning process as a writer. Stories can have their own schedule and not everyone can force themselves through a lapse in writing. It’s okay. You’ll get to the other side.

I linked to it above, but I can’t recommend The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron * enough for times like this. She’ll give you even better tools and advice than I just did!

Psst – did you notice that the working title for the WIP is A Third Kind of Madness? You can follow my progress by watching my updates bar in the sidebar of the main blog page! ➡️

*Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you.

Mixtapes as a Love Language

Cast A Shadow Of Doubt In Sleep You Know On Creating

Why should a story need a playlist, anyway?

I’ve talked about the soundtracks [aka mixtapes] to my books a couple of times here, and how the music is part and parcel of the atmosphere and story — integral, if you ask me. You could read the stories and never listen to the tracks I chose to go with each chapter, but you’d be missing out on some of the nuance and thematic references. I mean…it’s up to you, I guess…

Seriously though, the concept of a soundtrack for my stories comes in part from the longstanding tradition in visual media, sure, but even more so from my longstanding tradition to make mixtapes for people I care about, or who I want to care about. I’ve been making mixtapes since I was about ten years old; at first, I used one of those old cassette recorders with a condenser mic and buttons that would make a loud CLUNK every time I would stop the player. My very first foray into learning how to make a proper mix was figuring out how to eradicate that CLUNK from the recording.

[The secret sauce was using a pencil to roll back the tape just enough to start the next recording over the bit of tape where the terrible noise had been. That trick served me well for years of making mix tapes without a fancy mixer!]
Oooooh, when the minutes drag…
Photo by Idin Ebrahimi on Unsplash

Mixtapes are my love language. Even though I make them these days using CDs or Spotify, the general aesthetic and motivation is still the same. I make them for people I care about, or that I’m really into. Often they’ll have a theme or mood, and I choose every song carefully to match that. The songs build and ebb and flow, creating a journey that needs to be followed from beginning to end in order to get the overall effect properly. It’s funny, because I approach DJing in the same way, and it’s served me well. There’s a real art to building the energy of a dancefloor, and the same with a weekly show, though the energies are generally different between them.

The same applies to my book soundtracks, and it makes sense, because the plot of a book has that same sort of organization: rise and fall, ebb and flow, with an overall theme and direction. And the best mixtapes I’ve made, like my favorite novels, have covers that I can’t forget. I am a firm believer in making cool covers for my mixes. That’s part of the aesthetic, too.

Fun fact: I used to be the person that people brought their cassettes to for repairing.
Photo by Dan-Cristian Pădureț on Unsplash

When I started dating my partner, I gave him a mix CD on our very first date. [We’re coming up on six years together, and I would put money on the mix being part of that.] One of my friends digitized a mixtape that I made for him back in 1986, and it’s just as good now. The music isn’t new but it feels fresh. It’s a testimony to the power of mix tapes that he’s kept it for 36 years and cared enough to rip it to newer formats.

Want to win me over? Make me a mixtape. Bare a little of your soul with it. Create a cover that says something about the mix — it can be a drawing, a collage, something digitally manipulated. Whatever feels most honest.

That’s what I did for all of you with my books. I put together a couple of mixtapes and gave you stories to go with them, and pretty covers that reflect what’s inside. The mixes are as important as the novels. The stories are as important as the music. It’s all full of love.

BTW, if you want to read more about the philosophy of making mixtapes, you can’t do much better than going to one of the masters of talking about music and its importance, Nick Hornby. High Fidelity, of course, but Songbook not only goes into great detail but has its own mixtape to listen to.

woman leaping across a rocky gap to a sparkling portal

On The Other Side Of Fear

Cast A Shadow Of Doubt In Sleep You Know On Creating

On just taking the leap, and what I’ve achieved in 2021

The end of the year is a classic time for reflection and taking stock, and that’s always one of my favorite activities! A lot of writers right now are posting their #AwardsEligibility posts on Twitter, which is a great tag to follow if you’d like to check out new works from authors in SFF. I only have one book published, and I feel a little foolish joining in with just that – but thinking about the whole concept prompted me to compile a list of everything I managed to accomplish as an author in 2021. It’s a lot!

Step right up and claim that [participation] award

First and foremost: I published a book!!

My debut novel, In Sleep You Know, was published in May 2021. It is eligible for any of the awards for fantasy novels including first novel awards.

Tags: fantasy, hope, community, fae, music

Merrick Moore is just a regular guy with dreams of making it big with his garage band, but not much else – until he crashes a party thrown by reclusive eccentrics.
He gets more than he bargained for: new powers, a girlfriend who can visit him in his dreams, and a seven year bond with the local Fae court.
When the mortal enemies of his new friends show up to his band’s first gig, Merrick finds himself trying to prevent the start of a war that will have consequences for everyone, Fae and human alike.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1736850318

Get on the other side of fear.

Here’s the thing: I don’t expect to win an award, not in the least. That’s not keeping me from listing this accomplishment, though! It doesn’t matter if I win anything at all. The win was getting this story into the hands and minds of readers!

This whole year has been a series of leaps of faith for me. I started the work on publishing ISYK in 2020, because it takes a while to publish a book, especially a debut book. And especially one that’s being self-published by someone who is a hard taskmaster on herself and desperately wanted to get it right.

I have—quite publicly—suffered from impostor syndrome. I have been really open and public about it, because I know that I’m not the only one who goes through this or will in the future, and I think it’s really important to normalize talking about things that make us uncomfortable or make us feel weak or vulnerable. [I recommend my Twitter feed if you want to catch posts about those subjects. I am openly oversharing there!] I’m scared all the time, but I close my eyes and jump, or hit enter, or make the call. If I don’t, I won’t even get the chance to get the things that I want.

I decided that although it’s ridiculous for me to expect to win anything for ISYK [and that’s okay!] it is a powerful thing to compile and share a list of everything I achieved in 2021. So without further ado, here’s my list!

2021 Author Successes

Writing

💜 published In Sleep You Know, my debut fantasy novel

💜 wrote, edited, in the printing process for Cast a Shadow of Doubt, the sequel for ISYK. [launch date 02/2022]

💜 started work on my third novel, A Third Kind of Madness

💜 working on a collaborative novel, details TBA

Appearances

💜 author readings at Baltimore Faerie Fest [virtual], Mythmusica [in person], Fae Productions

💜 vending at Baltimore Faerie Fest, Balticon, Shore Leave, Mythmusica

💜 book was represented at When Worlds Collide’s virtual author table

💜 attended [virtually] as an first-time author at Farpoint, Nebula Conference, Readercon, When Worlds Collide

Interviews

💜 Fae Productions

💜 No Wasted Ink

Other Notable Achievements

💜 Joined Broad Universe and Maryland Writers’ Association

💜 Became a member of The Badasses writing/support group

💜 My books are now available to borrow in Maryland at Baltimore County Public Libraries, the Enoch Pratt library system of Baltimore City, and the Washington, D.C. library system

💜 My book will be available to purchase in person at The Ivy Bookshop in Baltimore, MD

…whoa. That’s a lot for my very first year as an author officially!

Here are my questions for you, readers: where would you love to see me show up next year? What is a new book that you read in 2021 that you would recommend? [Piranesi by Susanna Clarke is amazing] And what’s something that you achieved this year that you’re especially proud of and want to share?

a small ghost pipe plant, centered in frame, with the text "some fragile woodland species" overlaid at the top

Some Fragile Woodland Species

On Creating Writing

It’s one of my well-known quantities as both a writer and a human that I’m extremely transparent and unafraid to share my struggles and joys. Yesterday, that showed up in a small piece of writing that I shared on my Facebook personal page.

After I posted it, and I re-read it a few times as I responded to comments, I decided that I really liked it. It does a good job of describing how I see myself, and how I’m often conflicted by opposing desires: to soar, and to go to ground. 

There are people who revel in ordinariness, in walking in step with the crowd, in fitting in perfectly - or at least trying their best to do so. They take comfort in it, and stepping outside of their concept of what's normal would make them very uncomfortable. 
They actively flourish in that role, and it is home for them. 

There are others who seem destined to stand out, to innovate or ground-break, to inspire. They feel confined when held to an ordinary life, however that is defined by them. They dream of leaving a mark, a legacy, a story that can never be forgotten. 

And then there are people like me.

I want to fly a little closer to the sky, but not so high that my hubris sends me crashing to the ground. I want to leave something of importance, but it doesn't have to be grandiose and life-changing for millions. 
I'm not meant to be a superstar - I'm not that kind of smart or clever, I'm not the kind of beauty that sends men to war over me [thank goodness for that], and I don't have power or money that I could use to change the world. 
But... I don't know how to move through the ordinary world, either. I wish sometimes that I did, that I could be content there, but it doesn't work well for me. 
I'm like some fragile woodland species, the kind that you find when you move the leaves around on the forest floor. Not showy, but still interesting. The ecosystem won't collapse if you take me home, but you probably still shouldn't uproot me. 
I know, the metaphor's getting weird. That's also appropriate.

Anyway, none of those roles are inherently better or worse than the other. I just have always wanted more, but I don't seem very adept at succeeding in creating my own level between these others. I keep doing my own thing, hoping that at some point a curious hiker will wander from the path and lift the undergrowth to discover that I've been hiding under the leaves all along.

Becoming an author is an exercise in hope.

You write the words, and craft the story, trusting that it will be good enough to share with the world. You have to believe so strongly that your writing is Good Enough, Relevant Enough, Meaningful Enough. You give your time and energy and sleep and dreams to this work. Oh, and don’t forget your money, so much money is needed to create the book, and get it in front of potential readers. Editing, layout, cover art, advertising, and all the other little details.

It’s a wonder that any books get written at all.

The hope keeps us going. We write–late at night, at lunch, early in the morning–piling words and imagery like a treasure hoard. We scour websites for tips on how to market ourselves better, and send pitches with our fingers crossed. And we read the books that made it, from our colleagues and contemporaries and classic authors, and let their words and worlds inspire us. We look at their success and think, “Maybe one day, it’ll be me.”

And we never stop writing. We can’t. The words never stop coming.

We live on hope.

Moodboard for Cast A Shadow Of Doubt, a fantasy novel coming in 2022

Moodboard Fun for Cast A Shadow Of Doubt

Cast A Shadow Of Doubt On Creating

What’s a Moodboard, anyway?

A moodboard [or mood board, I’ve seen it used both ways] is a collection of images that are often used in interior and fashion design – and now have spread into many creative endeavors – as a way to build ideas and share concepts on a project. For those of us who like or need visuals to go along with our brainstorming, this is an ideal way to gather them together in a cohesive whole and see how they work together.

When I’m conceptualizing my storylines, I collect as many images as I can to help me clearly see characters, places, and concepts. I have a huge folder full of these images, broken down into subfolders, and it can be a giant pain to navigate them all! Moodboards help collect those visual thoughts into something I can glace over quickly and attain the focus I need in that moment.

They’re also a great way to share glimpses into what’s going to happen in a story, or background details about a character or concept! So I decided to share some of these with you as we get closer to the release of Cast A Shadow Of Doubt, because they might offer some context… and it will definitely be fun!

I love playing with tools like Picrew to make character mockups, like this attempt at showing Lucee ☺️
Do you know how difficult it is to find a set of skins that both offers the option for Black hairstyles AND green hair? Near impossible!

The images in this Moodboard include: an image that made me think of the Ar Donnath, a Summer festival, a concept for a new character [Emmaline], an exciting concert image, some magical yet creepy looking fungi, a community garden, an attempt to visualize one of The Ladies. What does it all mean? You will find out soon!

Want to stay in the loop about when Cast A Shadow Of Doubt will be released, and where you’ll be able to buy it? Sign up for my newsletter or support me over on Ko-fi! [btw, Ko-fi supporters have more access, see things before anyone else, and get exclusive content!]