On Creating

27 posts

In My Body, In My Mind

Essays On Creating Personal

Using one’s body to work through trauma, stress, and challenges is a valid therapy. Some people run or hike. Some people work out, lifting weights. I like doing that, too. Some people play sports, or swim.

I dance.

I’ve been dancing since I was tiny. I took ballet and tap classes while we could afford them, and even after I had to stop, I continued on with my exercises, and I made my own cute little choreographies, too. Body movement was an important was for me to work through anger and frustration and other big feelings, and to express joy, too. And dance let me feel like I was inside the music I chose, in a different way than singing did.

In high school I was part of a dance troupe, where we choreographed dances to pop songs and would perform them anywhere possible at the drop of a hat. That was when Michael Jackson’s Thriller was big, and we learned that dance and would dress up and perform for parties and the like. It was a ton of fun, and when it was time to go off to college, I continued my dance studies. I took modern dance and ballet. I knew ballet wasn’t a serious option for moving forward but it’s a great foundation for movement and control. I glowed when my teacher told me I had “great feet” because I’d worked hard on keeping my basics.

Dance got me through the hard parts of those times. It kept demons at bay growing up, or at least it tried; it gave me a way to control a tiny part of a life that was spiraling out of control while I watched everything crash down around me in college. When I discovered dance clubs, and then the all-night members-only fallen paradise that was my Friday night retreat, I finally felt like I could dance some of the pain and trauma out of my body, casting spells on the disco light illuminated floor with my feet as my arms traced out graceful symbols. I would stay until the sun rose, blinking in the bright light before wandering off with all my other dusty-black clothed friends in search of breakfast.

I’ve been chasing that feeling ever since.

I haunted various goth/industrial/synth oriented club nights for a while, then became the caretaker of one as well as a DJ, traveling to some of the clubs that I’d participated in as an attendee before I was able to add to the magic myself. I was known as a “floor starter,” someone who wouldn’t hesitate to get out there all by myself to dance–and often helping to draw other people to the floor as well. I generally have no shame when it comes to art, and dancing is a lot of things but most definitely is an art. You don’t have to be fancy to dance well, but you do have to let yourself express the music without worrying what you look like. Losing yourself in the tune, the rhythm, the vibe: that’s when you’re at your best as a dancer. I conveyed the joy of moving to the music in a way that drew other people to join me. That’s also a form of magic. Curating the music, creating the vibe, inviting others to join: alchemy.

I make music. I’ve always sang, always danced, always been entranced by what music brings to us. It’s a form of connection, creation, expression, communication. I want to lose myself in it; I want to offer myself up to it. I want to feel it move through me and move my body, not in possession but in partnership.

When I’m in my body like that, I’m fully in my mind too.

Dancing puts me in a kind of trance but it’s not an out-of-body experience, it’s being as at-one with my body as I could possibly be. My brain benefits from those moments, becoming refreshed, then inspired. It’s why one of the most common pieces of advice that I give writers that are dealing with creative blocks is to get up and dance, or chair dance if that’s not an option. Pick music that demands that you connect your body to it and let it lead you out of your blocked place and into something fresh and energized.

This is why all my books have soundtracks, by the way. I use that music to put me into the mood, to define the vibe of the chapter I’ve associated it with, and to express that energy to the reader. Music is shorthand for emotion and by sharing it, I’m offering you mental insight into the scene that might already be expressed in words but is always heightened by the inclusion of the tune that helped shape it.

Now if you don’t mind me, I’m going to turn on my tiny disco lights and move across the room to some beautiful songs.

Text that reads "Trials & Success & Saving Each Other" in pink text over a pink and yellow image of a hand coming from the water waving for help

Trials and Success and Saving Each Other

Essays On Creating

So last night, I had a bit of a breakdown.

To be honest, it’s been coming. The weight of so many things have been pushing down on me [on many of us, probably everyone reading this] and my brain went through a cycle of Bad and/or Difficult Thoughts, in rapid succession:

  • I started publishing my writing later in life, and I feel time ticking away
  • The world’s got bigger things on its mind than what I’m doing, and the country I live in is slipping headfirst into totalitarianism 
  • My body has been showing signs of my disease getting more active and I’m afraid that I’ll lose everything I’ve gained, which was nothing like what I had before I crashed initially, but still better than when I was at my worst
  • Trying to find the people who will love my work is like shouting into the void; I know they’re out there but getting their attention amidst all this is easily one of the toughest things I’ve ever done
  • Does anyone even care about my stories?
  • Does any of this matter?

It’s difficult to keep a positive outlook, facing all of that. ¹

Ironically, I’m known for being upbeat and for encouraging new writers. 

But see, that’s the trick. I can do that, with my whole chest, because I’ve been through these times of dark despondency. When I show up with encouragement and advice, it’s because it came hard-won. I can honestly tell aspiring authors:

“Yes, times will be bad and you will doubt everything, including your place in the world and why you should bother trying to get your words out there. But times change constantly. You just have to keep going. You have to trust that your calling is true and remember that staying focused on your goals will guide you through the darkest parts of life.”

I can say that with my whole chest because it’s true for me. 

What defines success? Who tells you what it looks like?

You do.

Success for me looks like getting up every day and putting my thoughts to paper or a screen, analyzing them and looking for what’s true or beautiful or poignant and sharing that when it feels right. Yes, even when the world is falling apart, because sometimes—a lot of the time—this is all I can control.

Success looks like watching my slow but steady progress in my author career, as more people recognize my name and know what I talk about, even if they haven’t read one of my books. 

Success is knowing that people trust what I’ll tell them about life, or building a writing career—or anything really—is based on honesty, life experience, and a deep desire to be helpful and supportive. I always stress that I’m sharing my lived experiences and that theirs might be different, especially when weighing privilege and inequalities as part of the picture, but that being open and ready to lend a hand have gotten me quite far.

Success isn’t linear.

I’m Christiane Knight, and I write hopeful stories, even though I’m not always filled with hope. I write about versions of our world where magic is possible but what ultimately solves the problems and gets the characters through the dark times is the characters saving each other through love, and trust, and community. On the surface it might look like the magic did the job, but that’s not the truth of it.

They save each other.

We have to save each other, too.

Success is putting those thoughts into the world over and over, through stories and comments and posts like these, and trusting that my words will create ripples of hope and change, even if that’s on the smallest of scales. 

That’s how I measure success.  

Success doesn’t mean that the problems and dark times go fully away, either. Those will persist and return in different forms, because there will always be struggle.

“Wherever there’s hope there’s a trial.” – Haruki Murakami [also see: Sea, by BTS]

But the trials do make success, however you measure it, that much sweeter. 

And if I can help even one person with my words and actions, especially in these dark times, that’s the most meaningful success of all.

¹ Because this is the Internet, where nuance goes to die, please do know that I am also terrified for people who are being disappeared or unjustly held in hellhole cells for the temerity to live here or crossing the border legally; angry for the people who are being deported or losing their jobs over political stances that are in opposition to this current regime; feeling helpless and furious that once again Black and brown people and LGBTQIA2S+ folks are in danger [not that it ever stops], women are fighting aggressive patriarchy, and the poor and disabled are once again on the brink of being left to die. I was trying to keep it short and sweet but then thought I’d better say this explicitly, because there’s always someone online who doesn’t know you but is desperate to have a gotcha moment.
² There is no second note, other than to say that if you let them keep you from creating, then they win. Fuck that, my friends. Let’s create out of love, and out of spite if we have to.

Writing the [Mostly] Real World

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A Third Kind of Madness Cast A Shadow Of Doubt In Sleep You Know On Creating

One of the things I always mention about my stories is that they’re set in Baltimore, MD, USA. I was born, raised, and lived a chunk of my life in Baltimore. It’s a vibrant and delightfully weird city, oft-maligned; it definitely has problems but also has some great people and energy. It’s been struggling to find it’s footing for a while and has slowly been shifting in personality – yes, cities have personalities – and growth is rarely easy, which can make the more skeptical folks think everything’s a mess, when really, it’s change happening. All of these things make for a compelling backdrop and character to use in my stories!

Also, even though I know the city well, writing about it has allowed me to learn even more beyond what I’ve known and experienced about Charm City, especially since it has changed a lot in my lifetime. I can’t just count on memories to fill out a scene, I either have to double check myself against what’s the truth now, or make a conscious choice to warp reality a little to fit my vision.

So now that I’ve said that…

If you’re from these parts, you might have guessed or recognized some of the locations I haven’t outright mentioned in the books. I name the neighborhood of Hampden, where Lucee and Cullen have a lovely date and then get into some trouble, and that’s pretty much exactly as it is currently in the non-book world. The Round Falls area also is the same, and that bit is actually based on a true experience I had there. The community garden that Vali does a mural for doesn’t exist outside the books, but that neighborhood around Greenmount Cemetery is pretty accurate otherwise. The thoughts that Vali mentions about changes in the neighborhood, positive and negative, are valid. Wyman Park Dell is more or less the same in both versions of Baltimore. I describe the building known as The Belvedere as characters pass by it, and I talk about Mount Vernon Place in great detail as it’s a big part of the setting in A Third Kind of Madness.

Writing about the farmers market under the JFX was one of my favorite parts in ATKOM, by the way. I’ve had people ask me if that’s a real market, and how could it be held under an expressway? Folks, it’s real, it is awesome, and you should definitely visit it if you’re in town. I actually used to vend there, selling my handspun yarn and handmade products!

And then there are places I invented completely, like the Frisky Bean. The Bean gets it’s believable feel from my deep experience with that kind of coffee house, but sadly there isn’t a place I can point out in the Mount Vernon neighborhood that matches that vibe. House Mirabilis and Tiennan House don’t have specific inspirations, but Baltimore has plenty of old houses that could stand in. The Compound has an address [sort of, I don’t really obscure where it’s located] and if you look it up using online maps, you can get a visual for the outside, at least. The interior layout, I based on judging from the outside and using my experiences from being inside similar buildings, with my own whimsical additions of course.

Some spots what I’d call book-analogues to actual places that exist, but under different names. Club Marcada on Charles Street is an amalgam of a couple of different clubs I’ve known, but it’s absolutely set in the same block as Club Charles and The Depot. [And The Depot certainly gets some quiet references in the description of Marcada, IYKYK] The Maithe also could be put in this category, but I think it needs it’s own, for reasons I’ll explain below.

The Maithe is special [duh]

First off, let’s discuss the one very specific thing I changed about my version of Baltimore: Park Street.

There is no Park Street in Mount Vernon.

There is a Park Avenue, and yes, I know someone from here might read the books and think “Oh, Xi doesn’t know what they’re talking about, they messed that up.” Nope, sorry, that was a deliberate choice that will mean nothing to people not from Baltimore but to locals [and me] it signals that we are stepping outside of the “real” world and into a different version of the city. Basically that entire street, which happens to house the Frisky Bean, Denny’s studio, and The Maithe, is a magical corridor that lies just slightly off from the world we move in. So if you’re in Mount Vernon and you happen to be walking down Park Avenue, you’re just a sidestep away from where so much of the story takes place!

How do you shift over to Park Street instead? Well that is a good question… isn’t it? 😉

Trivia point: my very first apartment, of which I have no end of ridiculous tales, was on Park Ave. in Mount Vernon. Living there and observing a lot of the odd, amusing things that happened regularly was part of the inspiration for setting the story in that area.

That “slightly off” mirror world, the Baltimore that could be if we sidestepped through the veil unexpectedly? That’s where you can walk from the Bean and spy magical graffiti in an alleyway before you come to the end of the street and the great building that dominates it: The Maithe. Yes, The Maithe is inspired by a building I know, The Brexton, now known as a hotel. No, it’s not the same in this world…as far as I know. It doesn’t house a great, seemingly unending forest in its center courtyard. Indeed, there’s no courtyard at all, though in my opinion there should be! But the staircase? That’s there, and the triangular shape, and the towers on each end. I think The Maithe probably deserves its own post, because I have personal anecdotes I could share as well as a lot of background about how I envisioned the layout inside, which is quite different than the building it’s based on. And as time’s gone on, The Maithe has revealed secrets about itself and those are fun to talk about, too.

I keep promising a video tour of the Eleriannan’s version of Baltimore, and I promise it’s coming soon! The weather’s been too hot and unsettled for your pal Christiane, but as soon as I’m feeling up to it, you’ll have it. Part of the joy of writing these stories is sharing my city with you through my eyes and imagination, and can’t wait for you to see the places that inspire me.

More to come, including in-depth details about The Maithe!

A gold trophy spills out many golden stars onto a field of light blue. Text reads: Focus on the Wins

Let’s Focus on the Wins

Goals On Creating

I’ve been working on what I think will be a short story for a bit now. [A Small Light in the Darkness: you can track my writing progress in the sidebar] It’s been slow going because it’s been hot outside, I haven’t been feeling my greatest, and it’s hard to concentrate while the world feels like it’s falling apart. Even as I’m typing this I’m feeling the sweet, seductive siren call of a nap pulling at me.

But that’s okay. Not the reasons why I’ve struggled with writing much, but that my output hasn’t been where I’ve wanted it to be.

Productivity comes in its own time. There are lots of reasons why you might struggle with the ability to create like you want to, from having to juggle a job and family to–like in my case–deal with a disability that often saps my strength and makes it difficult to focus. Add to that the weight of what’s been happening politically, possible financial struggles or a million other valid and pressing challenges, and it can feel like a real battle to get anything creative accomplished.

It doesn’t make me bad at my job of writing to need to go slower than some other authors do, or have less output. We’re all unique and contrary to the beliefs of some, this isn’t a race or competition of any kind. I write my best when I’m focused, well-rested, and unstressed. Trying to push through pain or exhaustion in order to meet some idea of how much I “should” be writing in a day won’t give me my best work. So instead, I try to set healthy and realistic goals for myself, because I acknowledge that I do perform better with goals of some kind, just not ones that make me feel like I’m in some strange literary footrace, except it’s fingers on keyboards.

When I do get down on myself for not living up to some arbitrary standard or goal that someone else dictated, I like to play the game of “But what have I already accomplished?” You can play along with me, if you like. July, the middle of the year, is a great time to play this game–but really, anytime you need to be reminded of what you’ve already done, no matter how small, this is a fun thing to do.

Mid Year Accomplishment List 2024

  • Condensed entry: all the tasks that went along with finishing A Third Kind of Madness [editing, cover, layout, blahblah]
  • Published my third novel, A Third Kind of Madness!
  • Attended and participated at Balticon 58, including being a panelist and doing a reading from ATKOM
  • Virtually attended the Nebula Conference and was a panelist
  • Participated in the Weeknight Writers: Editing event as a panelist
  • I joined the Science Fiction & Fantasy Writer’s Association as an Associate Member! Joining SFWA was a HUGE goal
  • Now have all three of my books carried in my local library system as well as in some other libraries
  • Invited to a SECRET [for now] project that I’ll get to tell you about SOON!

I’m sure that I’m missing some things, but this is still an impressive list for a someone who has only been a published writer for a few years, if I do say so myself. Is it the powerhouse that some new writers have? No! And it doesn’t have to be! Accolades as a new writer generally happen because the writer is very good, AND very lucky. You can be the best writer out there but if you aren’t lucky enough to be spotted in the piles of other work, no one will ever know it. It takes a LOT of work–or luck–to be discovered. It takes even more to start to get recognition for what you’re creating and what you can offer to the reading and writing communities.

Looking over my list, I can feel assured that I’m not letting things slip through my fingers, and I’m on a good schedule. Three books in four years, as someone with an unpredictable chronic disease? I’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about!

If you are also struggling with feeling like you haven’t done enough, I recommend this exercise. It really does give one perspective on, well, everything. don’t forget to count the small successes, too. They’re just as important! And feel free to share them in the comments because I’ll definitely be cheering for you.

Themes, Tropes, and Undercurrents: Compelling Writing

On Creating Writing

Fiction writers build their stories around themes [nonfiction has themes too, actually!] and use tropes to give the reader a familiar touchstone in the story, something that can be understood and related to easily. Tropes give a sense of familiarity – then it’s up to the writer to turn them on their head or make them their own. A theme [or multiple themes] is the glue that runs under the story, holding everything together. 

Themes are usually discovered in the course of reading, and may become obvious after a certain point. My favorite kind of theme is one that sneaks up on you – where you’re deeply lost in the story and then BAM it hits you, this story is about something much deeper than the surface details of the story.

Themes and Tropes in my stories

In Sleep You Know at the bare bones is a story about an aimless guy who finds purpose after making a rash decision. The aftermath of that night changes his worldview and ultimately makes him a better person. 

The biggest theme in the story, and the series in general, is “we are strongest when we stand together” – it weaves itself through the narrative in so many ways. Before Merrick finds the Eleriannan he’s drifting; they give him purpose. When some of the Gwyliannan are angry and alone, they become vulnerable to Camlin and the Grimshaw’s influence. Until Vali meets Sousa, she has no idea that she has magic abilities, and with the care he gives her, she blossoms and thrives. I can draft a long list of these instances; each one reinforces that overarching theme.

I play a lot with tropes and references in ISYK, too, and have fun with them. The story opens with one of the classics of faery tales and ballads: someone blunders into a meeting with the Fae and is swept off their feet by an unnaturally beautiful and mysterious woman. Will she be La Belle Dame Sans Merci? The Faerie Queene? Merrick pledges himself to seven years of belonging to the Fae in return for gifts, a nod to both Tam Lin and Thomas the Rhymer. 

There’s found family, an enchanted forest, trees that attack, a magical house – honestly, a parade of faerie tropes. Loner in a big house, creepy beings who you’re grateful are on your side, and did I mention a training scene or two, a big ending battle, and betrayal?

My plan was to be referential to some of the stories that shaped me while turning my story into something a little different, and hopefully one that felt fresh and modern. Playing around with references to classic stories and Child ballads added to that.

What about undercurrents? What is that?

I mentioned undercurrents in writing and what I mean by that is the ongoing themes that aren’t the “main” theme but are still important – and not as obvious to pick out. Power and who should wield it is something that I address in both In Sleep You Know and Cast a Shadow of Doubt, and it’s in A Third Kind of Madness, too. Camlin has power and it destroys his life. Lucee gets power and struggles with how to use it, thanks to her self-doubt. The Ladies also struggle with power, both externally and amongst themselves. Fallon’s insistence on making decisions without consulting others is an abuse of her power that almost undoes House Mirabilis. 

Threading these three important parts of your story throughout the text in many different ways makes it stronger and much more compelling for the reader. But how best to do it? 

Some stories are meant to be taken at face value, and that can be quite appealing. Stories that concentrate on what’s happening in the tale’s world and to the characters, like action or adventure genres for example, absolutely have their place. Generally, I think a lot of readers in those genres aren’t looking for subtlety in those types of books – they’re there for excitement and suspense. Valid! And some amazing books are written this way. Expect themes and tropes to be more obvious and enjoy the ride.

Others are more character focused, and that’s the perfect place to think about adding undercurrents and more subtle use of tropes and themes. I mentioned previously how the concept of Power and who should wield it is an undercurrent in my first two books, and it comes more to the front in A Third Kind of Madness. That’s something I’ve slowly pulled to the forefront through the timeline of the books/series. 

My theory about building up these complex and intertwined themes and knowing when to pull them forward or push them further back is that it has a lot to do with creating complex characters with a lot of work put into motivations and back story. Understanding both why your character would make the choices they do and how that shapes their personal stories is integral to writing meaningful prose. It’s also important to understand how each character’s choices affect the other characters and their choices. Saying that seems obvious, but it’s the difference between moving puppets around that depend on a storyline to make decisions and watching believable but imaginary beings interact and create the plot.

Believable characters create your story.

I’m sure you’ve heard writers say “I didn’t have any control over that scene, the characters were in charge.” That’s exactly what I mean. 

When you’ve got characters that are complex enough, they will start to direct where your stories should be going. Those undercurrents? They start to happen naturally, as personalities interact and fight or fall in love or pass each other in the street. It’s a natural process, just like life! 

So here’s how I do it.

First, I look at the basic plot I’ve got in mind. For me, it’s usually a situation that I come up with: what happens when a slacker musician crashes a Fae party and they decide to recruit him? What possibilities arise when the guy who tried to kill you shows up at your door begging for help? The girl you’ve been crushing on turns out to be your Muse, how do you react – and what are you going to do about all the other people who want to possess her?

Once I’ve got that “story spark” I sit down and think about the characters I have in mind. I write out full character sheets or backstories for them, including their relationships with other characters and some of the things that will shape who they are. I often will look for images that give me an aesthetic or better, a full visual for each character, so they become even more “real” in my mind. It’s important that I begin to think like they would when I’m writing them, or at least deeply understand their motivations and potential reactions.

Then I just begin writing. Believe it or not, I don’t think much beyond these things about tropes or themes; I let it develop along with the story. Once I have a few chapters I’ll stop and re-read, and begin to think about how I can see the plot forming. That is when I start to build up the potential for the deeper aspects of the storyline. 

At this point I’ll make a very loose outline. In it will be potential plot points, themes, and details I’d like to see happen as I write, and I may or may not stick to that outline. Chances are pretty good that once I get to about the halfway point things will start to go in quite unexpected directions!

This is the magic part of the process: let the story happen the way the characters are leading it.

Trust the process. Let the work you did in the beginning inform how the tale develops and grows. Believe that threads are forming and will come forward and retreat as you write, overt and discreet themes that weave the story into a beautiful tapestry. 

You probably won’t see it in the first draft. That’s all about getting the story down on the page, and that’s what you should concentrate on the most. The magic reveals itself when you go through and start tightening up the text, adding details and re-reading for cohesion and flow. Suddenly you’ll start to see the subtle bits that your characters added when you weren’t paying attention, and the connections that you definitely didn’t consciously make. 

This is when I sit down and take notes on all the character development that happened, and how it affects the story premise – and I check to make sure that each character has their own arc, no matter how small, and that each one makes sense and has some kind of resolution. I swear to you that often these arcs aren’t planned but will end up being perfect for each character if you allow that character to lead their development. They will surprise you! And later you’ll realize that the choices that they seemingly made without input from you are deep, moving, and real – and will add so much unexpected depth to your stories. 

Is developing and writing compelling characters and stories with depth something that you’d like me to talk more about? This is probably my greatest strength as a writer and I’d love to share or even do a workshop with y’all. Let me know in the comments!

This was originally posted to my Ko-fi subscribers. It’s shared here in a slightly modified form. If you’d like to read my thoughts about the craft and business of writing before anyone else, you can join here: https://ko-fi.com/threeravenspress

Fandom as Joy

On Creating

One of the things that I find challenging about being me in this world is that I have an overwhelming sense of childlike joy when it comes to things that I enjoy. I am unabashedly excited about the things that I find delightful. When there’s something that makes me happy, I don’t hold back…and that makes some people feel uncomfortable.

To be fair, people who don’t show their love for the things that make their life better make me uncomfortable, too.

It’s why I love fandom so much. Not the ones that love to pick things apart and overanalyze the joy out of them – they’ve got every right to be who they are but they are not my jam – but the fans who are unafraid to wear that love of whatever makes their day better right on their sleeve. They’ve got the t-shirt, the action figure, the memes, and the cardboard cutout of their favorite character, and I love them for it. Touching base daily with something that enhances their life keeps them going, and I 100% get that, because I’m that person too.

The great thing about fandoms is that there’s something for everyone out there. People who know me know that I’ve been “officially” involved in the SFF fandom world since I was 12, when I went to my first con, Balticon 13. [for those following along at home, that was in 1979!] I was – still am – a voracious reader and of course I had obsessions with both the popular and less known to the general populous SFF media. I loved Star Wars but also Logan’s Run, for example. One of my hall costumes for a couple of years was a Runner, which was probably a questionable choice for a teenager but it was the 70s and 80s and no one batted an eye. I mean, I saw that movie when it came out so I would have been 10? [puts aside discussion about what was considered age appropriate back then, la la la]

And of course, I just went to Balticon 58. If that doesn’t make me feel old…

Another fandom I’m deeply into is ARMY, the fans of South Korean musicians and all around entertainers 방탄소년단 or Bangtan Sonyeondan – otherwise known to the world as BTS. If you’ve paid attention to this blog at all I’m sure you’re aware of this! I’m often inspired by two of their songwriters, RM and SUGA, whose lyrics share so many of the same feelings and experiences I’ve had, despite our widely divergent life paths.

Being a card carrying member of ARMY is a deeply meaningful experience, filled with moving and uplifting moments so numerous that I can’t possibly begin to even scratch the surface of them in one blog post. Even though we live all over the world and many of us don’t speak Korean, we cackle over shared memes and jokes, we gush over new content and strategize to get it all the hype it deserves, and we plan fandom-wide events for celebrating the members of the group and to do things like fundraising. [look up some of the projects that ARMY has put together, it’s a real testament to our power]

Not that we’re always united, of course, because we’re a massive fandom and there will always be opposing ideas of what’s right to do or what direction we want to go – but we’re always trying to match the energy and commitment that BTS has shown us, and that’s what keeps us together. It also makes us one of the most feared fandoms around too, because if we decide that something needs attention, for either positive or negative actions, we will go after it with the power of millions. [40 million according to this article from TIME magazine back in 2020] We also work to keep our fandom focused and positive, even as it gets bigger and finds even more challenges. This time of mandatory enlistment for the BTS members has been one of those, but the members kept us fed with new music and content that they meticulously prepared before they enlisted and have done their best to check in with us as allowed. The amount of preparation they put into every endeavor is honestly quite astonishing and yet another reason that they have so many fans; very few other groups work this hard to maintain a relationship!

Also, BTS uses a LOT of SFF imagery and references in their work. You might be surprised!

I could go on and on about this, and I’m sure at some point you’ll hear more about why I love and am inspired by Bangtan. But…

You might be asking what my point is for bringing this up. Fair!

I look for people who match my energy. Probably you do, too. It feels good to have something to share with others that have the same fascination; it makes me feel less alone and brightens my world. It’s so important to me that I struggle with understanding people who don’t have that kind of thing in their life. [Many people have it, though, it just might not look anything like what I’m into, and that’s cool.]

I get extra excited when I inspire that in other people with what I create! How amazingly cool is that, to have people who are actively starting their own fandom over my characters and stories? It isn’t that many people yet, but they are there and I couldn’t be more honored or excited about it – both because there’s not a better vote of approval, and because I love them just as much as the fans do. It’s a perfect excuse for me to make side stories and merch and character illustrations and background content and not feel like I’m only doing it for myself.

As a creative person, this is the ultimate compliment.

Recently I’ve had my first fanfic writer! I dreamed of a day when that would happen! I’m waiting now for someone to make fan art so I can cry about it like the big ball of emotions that I am. People are recommending my books to their friends. It leaves me speechless every time I hear about it. You liked my world enough to tell others about it? That’s success, in my book.

To be a tiny creator of happiness and a sense of belonging is all I could ever ask for. When I build additional content about the books and characters, it’s always with the idea that I’m sharing more of what lives inside my head in a show of camaraderie: I love this, and I think you might too – let’s love it together!

If you’re reading this there’s a good chance you’ve already read my stories and enjoyed them, so tell me this: what can I bring to you? What would make you feel more connected? I want to share that feeling with you!

And what are your personal fandoms? I want to know more! Let’s geek out together. Let’s find joy.

Representation isn’t a bunch of boxes to check

A Third Kind of Madness Cast A Shadow Of Doubt Characters In Sleep You Know On Creating

When people ask me about my books and characters, they* sometimes talk about representation. “Why did you choose Merrick [my first book’s MC] to be a white guy from an obviously well-off family, but Lucee [second book’s MC] is a Black woman? You’re not either of these things.”
[*this is usually other white people asking me this, right]

Well, yeah. I don’t have to be represented by any of my characters in order to write about them and their lived experiences.

Being a writer requires a lot of skills. Some of the most important, in my opinion, have to do with empathy and understanding how people and society works. You can have an amazingly tight and engaging plot, but if you don’t write your characters well, the story will fall flat.

No one would blink if I wrote all my protagonists as white straight women. Even if they were substantially younger or older than me, more or less attractive, smarter or duller, or came from a very different socio-economic background – people wouldn’t comment or question it.

But the thing is, the world doesn’t just look like me. [despite some people constantly defaulting to white as the standard]

Representation isn’t a bunch of boxes to check off. Diversity isn’t something you add because you’re “supposed to.” It should be the standard, because that’s what the world looks like – especially if you’re someone who looks like me, a “standard” that came from an unbalanced worldview built on privilege and racism. The default isn’t white. Nor is it able-bodied, neurotypical, cisgendered, or heterosexual.

My characters, magical or not, represent the reality around them: people from different backgrounds, economic statuses, communities, and cultures, all living their everyday lives. Entangled, at odds or in love, working together or on opposite sides, Fae or mortal or something else – they all have a place in my stories, just as they do in the world outside of them.

What kind of writer would I be if I only focused on characters that looked like me, or had my lived experiences? Not a very interesting or realistic one, in my opinion.

Merrick is a white guy from an upper middle class family, smart enough but a bit spoiled, and able to live a directionless life because of that. It shapes why he makes the decisions that he does when he’s given the choice to be a part of something bigger, and gives us the opportunity to see him grow as a person.
Lucee is a Black woman who has leaned on her friendship with Merrick in the past as a kind of buffer between her overly controlling father and her own wishes for her life. She comes into her own power and ends up taking on a leadership role despite believing that she’s not good enough to do so. Her battle to overcome her low self-esteem is one I think a lot of people can relate to.
Denny struggles with deep self-worth issues and feeling comfortable in their own skin as a non-binary person. Because of this, they’ve allowed themself to be controlled by someone who wants to use them for their own benefit, and a good deal of their struggle is learning how to break free from that situation and mindset.

I think all these characters are relatable and bring different things to the table. That’s not even touching on Vali, who went through the foster system and was unhoused before coming to The Maithe, or Emmaline, a disabled woman with a debilitating chronic illness, or Aisling and Camlin, both Fae who faced rejection by their people for not being “pure” enough. Or Peri, who only wants to be valued for who she is, not what her powers can do for others.

I’ve known all these people. I want their stories in my world to be amplified. That’s why I write what I do.

[images are from Picrew and just for fun visualizations of the various characters]

Magic Seeking and Reciprocity

ko-fi On Creating

A mutual exchange of energy and support can take many forms, from barter, to responding in kind to pleasant social advances like waving at each other, to a trade of ideas for products or monetary support. The last one is very different from capitalism, which is about power and using the labor of others to advance that power, rather than a trade that benefits both parties, like commerce.

Most creative types that sell their work are involved in commerce. I do it when I sell books or one of the cute story related items from my shop, and the money I bring in from that helps me make more items to sell and spread my stories to more people.

But unfortunately, it doesn’t pay my bills, which frankly sucks. That’s the dream job, of course, and it’s going to take a long time before that’s a possibility. Thing is, I love writing. Even more, I love the creativity that pours from me constantly n so many different ways. It’s the biggest gift I’ve received next to being given a chance to experience being a living being.

Here’s something that some people don’t realize: creativity is a gift, but it’s also a skill. You can be born with it, but you can also learn it. And even more important? The gift needs to be practiced and honed. The most innately talented person still benefits from regular practice of their skills.

What’s this got to do with Magic Seeking?

Magic Seeking is what I call the practice of mindfully paying attention in order to find the often-missed magical moments in the world. Usually it’s something small, and it can be natural or human-made, but I’ve found it to most often be a “blink and you’ve missed it” moment that only those who practice observance catch. One of my favorite personal examples is how when I take the train or light rail, I always spot wildlife like deer, beavers, or eagles. The other folks surrounding me miss them because they’re all looking at their phones instead of out the window. I make it a regular practice to watch the world whizz by instead of distracting myself, because now I’ve come to expect those magical moments. They light up a creative part of my brain that plugs that wonder and sense of possibility into the stories I create.

Magic Seeking involves deep dives, too. Asking myself questions about what I believe, how I feel, what parallels I can draw between instances in my life – they all help me clear away the crap that keeps me from accessing the magical parts of myself. Tapping into the more innocent, childlike aspects of myself is a lot easier when I’m not dwelling on the day to day weights that drag me down, and deep dives help to clear some of that away.

The biggest part of keeping creativity alive through Magic Seeking is actively looking for inspiration. That can be something as simple as a quote, poem, photo, or piece of art that sparks something inside us. Or we might find it through talking with other like-minded people – casual chat or brainstorming both can yield results. Inspiration is all about active sharing and letting the magic of what others have created speak to us about what we could bring forth in response.

I decided that the best way to have something I want in the world is to make it for myself, so I put my ideas together and came up with the Magic All Around community. Currently, the membership is just myself, but I’d really like to expand that to others who think this is something exciting and want it in their life, too.

I added a membership level on Ko-fi with this in mind, because although I’m doing it for me, sharing it with others takes work and time and I’d like to think that those things are worth something. [they are!] In exchange, there will be regular exclusive posts happening through Ko-fi, as well as a space on my Discord especially for Magic Seekers. Lots and lots of perks for members! I want it to be something precious to you. We do a trade and we both benefit: reciprocity.

Magic Seeking is a good fit for anyone who wants to embrace a slower, more focused way of looking at the world, especially – but not limited to – those who pursue artistic endeavours. Writers, visual artists, crafters and artisans, musicians, and more can all benefit from these exercises and techniques, as well as my focus on sustaining hope, embracing whimsy, and nurturing ourselves.

Want to learn more? I’ll give you the link and answer any questions you have! I post regularly on Ko-fi as is, so even if this doesn’t do it for you, you can also follow me and get all the non-membership content directly sent to your inbox.

Come with me, let’s go Magic Seeking!

Blue camera on orange background with text: Getting close now, checking in on progress of A Third Kind of Madness

Getting Close Now: progress check-in

A Third Kind of Madness Novel Updates On Creating

Hello friends! It’s time for an update on my writing progress, and it’s great news – I am SO CLOSE to getting the first draft of this book finished!

As of this blog post, I’ve got about 21,000 words to hit my word goal!

That’s about five chapters, to put it into perspective. I know, right?

Some things to know about the whole process:

  • This is a tentative goal, but I generally aim for about 120,000 to 125,000 words for a novel.
  • The word count will change as I go into revision.
  • This is my first draft, so some things may change drastically when I revise, but usually that’s not the case for me.
  • A chapter for my books usually runs an average of 4,000 words.
  • I’m at the point now as a writer where I seem to know instinctively where to start gathering all the various plot points together. When I realized that, I was blown away!
  • The last ten chapters seem to take the longest to write.

Expounding on that last point – my whole writing process slows down when I get to the last parts of the story. And it makes sense, of course, because there’s usually so many things to carefully weave together, making sure nothing gets left behind. Plus, this is where the “big action” of the story takes place, often with physical scenes and a lot more character interaction that all has to be carefully plotted out and sometimes even acted out by me to make sure that it all makes sense and reads properly.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to pose myself to make sure what I’m describing makes sense and works the way I want it to, ha. Or research things like, I dunno… sun angles, location maps, names of specific armor, animal facts. The list goes on and on. Recently I got sidetracked by a search of specific nautical terms.

Photo by Barna Kovacs on Unsplash

Once I’m finished with the first draft, I’ll go in for revisions, round one. Some people pause between phases of writing their book, and I like to pause between revisions and editing. I prefer to revise while the story is fresh in my head, and while I remember exactly what I knew I’d need to go back and rearrange or pretty-up. Sometimes, you just need to get the scene down on the page, you know, before you lose that spark.

So I’ll revise, then I’ll rest the story for a short period and work on other things, so that I can come back to it with fresh eyes and mind for the editing process. Once I’ve gone over it approximately ONE MILLION TIMES I’ll send it to a professional editor. Then they’ll go over it a bunch and then it comes back to me for changes and EVEN MORE CHECKING.

You may have noticed that this means I’ll have read this story a substantial number of times before you ever do.

I’ve probably read my stories more times than anyone ever will. Not because I’m my #1 fan or anything, but to fact-check, to re-immerse myself in the storyline, to look for quotes, and… sometimes just for fun. THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID IT. I read my own books because I like them! 🤣

I love my characters. I mean, they live in my head, I’m close to them! I also love the settings in my books, and they’re detailed enough that I have to go back and check “Was this on the left or the right? Where exactly is the door to the courtyard in relation to the kitchen?” Trust me, those little details matter. Someone will notice if I screw it up! I actually recently wrote out a long walk-through of The Maithe for that reason. Maybe one day I’ll share it!

That’s my update for now. Once the first draft is finished I’ll talk some more about it and start giving you more thorough introductions to the characters and what they’re all about. But for now, thank you for reading, and if you have any questions about my process, please do reply below!

A tarot deck with the Star card on top, text that says The Power To Pivot, Photo by Photo by Viva Luna Studios on Unsplash

The Power to Pivot

On Creating Personal Writing

This isn’t about writing, not exactly.

It’s about how life can change in the blink of an eye. And it’s about how those changes can be traumatic but also can usher in a new – and possibly better – phase of one’s life.

In tarot, the Tower card is generally viewed with trepidation, if not some well-founded fear. It’s all about seismic change, the upheaval of everything you’ve become accustomed to, whether you like it or not. Sometimes that means chaotic change. Other times that change, although life-altering and possibly painful, leads to better or at least more grounded things. A lot of the time, how it resolves depends on how you respond to the events.

Thing is, inside that Tower moment, everything sucks. It’s traumatic! Change, especially unexpected change, is difficult to process and often painful. But it can lead to transformation, too. There’s a reason why the Star, a card of hope, follows the Tower.

For a lot of people, the COVID lockdown was a Tower moment, and understandably so. There were so many changes in such quick succession! Even now, things are different than they used to be in many ways, and we’re still figuring some things out. For me, the lockdown was actually the transition from the Tower to the Star.

See, I was rushed to the hospital with my emergency small bowel resection at the end of August 2019. THAT was my Tower moment: I could have died, it restructured everything that I knew about life, and I was put out of commission for months. I’ve written plenty about it, but here’s where the title of this text comes into play – because just when I started to pick up the pieces of my life and contemplate returning to what I used to do, COVID showed up and kicked all those plans in the nuts.

You might know that I was a full time fiber artist before I wrote In Sleep You Know. It’s a very physical job that had me doing a lot of events and making yarn and fibers to sell every day. I loved it, and I was doing pretty well at it before everything went bust pun intended]… but I was feeling pretty burned out, too.

In part, that’s because I’d been sick for a while but I didn’t really understand that. Crohn’s presented a lot of symptoms that I excused as being “just a touchy digestive system” or “a picky gut.” I mean, you feel like that every day and you learn to adapt or convince yourself that you’re just being a big baby about it or whatever. Also, I hadn’t had much luck in getting doctors to take me seriously, so there was that. So I was tired and in pain a lot, and that made it difficult to do what I loved, and tough to love what I did.

I’d actually just started coming back to working with fiber and doing shows after the surgery when the lockdown happened. My last show was in March of 2020. I was so happy to be there but physically, I was miserable. I was wondering if I was ever going to be able to do a bigger event again.

I was ready for the pivot. I just didn’t know it yet.

I spent some time over that first Lockdown Summer doing online teaching and a creativity group. I love teaching but there’s a different skillset that you need to do it through video, especially for something hands-on like spinning yarn. I adapted, but I didn’t love it. And my medical treatment wasn’t doing enough, so I was tired all the time… and depressed. I could feel the depression looming. It had been building since the surgery, because so much changed, including me and my body.

One day, I was digging around in my files, and I pulled out an old story fragment that I’d written a while back. I re-read it, and my spark to spin tales reignited. Suddenly, I had motivation again, as the story of Merrick and Aisling and the Eleriannan started to blossom in my mind, and I began to write down the new story that came from that fragment.

At first it was just something to entertain myself. Escapism, maybe? A Baltimore with a secret Fae population was a lot more exciting than a city where no one could see each other face-to-face. But as the story grew and my love of writing came back to the forefront, I began to wonder… could I publish this? Could I become an actual “legitimate” author, and not just someone who used to get published in small press ‘zines?

I whispered the idea to a few friends, slipped one or two people an excerpt. I was enthusiastically encouraged to keep going. My confidence built, and then I decisively proclaimed one day, “I am writing a book! I will be publishing it soon!”

Pivot achieved.

Obviously, a LOT more happened after I made my great pronouncement. But the act of claiming it for my own, that was the important point.

It took more work on my part to start telling people that I am an author rather than a fiber artist. That has been my major identity for almost 20 years! I’m still a fiber artist, of course, just like I’m still a DJ even though I don’t spin music at clubs or on the air anymore. Those are part of my identity.

But these days, being a published, honest-to-goats author is my main identity, and it’s one I dreamed about since I learned to write. So in a way the pivot is me coming back to my earliest sense of self. A homecoming, if you will.

There’s so much power in that. Here I am, living my childhood dream.

I didn’t get here in the way I expected, but if it wasn’t for that Tower moment I might not have ever have found my guiding Star.