Christiane Knight

145 posts
I'm Christiane [she/they] and I'm disabled, queer, and several flavors of neurospicy. I live right outside the city of Baltimore, MD, near the Chesapeake Bay. I'm an author and poet, concentrating on contemporary fantasy and speculative fiction that centers on stories about hope and community. That's my big WHY when it comes to everything in life: inspiring hope, building community.

Existential Author Thoughts with Xiane

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Essays On Creating

Author note: I started writing this as a response to an author friend’s post elsewhere, and decided that I had a lot more to say and it wasn’t appropriate for that space, so here goes my brain dump.

I’ve been deeply contemplating the why I write and even more crucial, the who is this for questions lately, and the answers are pending while I try to get out of the way of the emotions tied up with my work, but the basic premise is this:

  • It’s difficult to find one’s audience these days
  • Do I even care about that? Am I writing for them or for me?
  • My work fits a particular kind of reader, one who was recently let down by an author I’m often compared to, but do I have the right to use that in marketing? Do I even want to? It feels…not unethical but icky.
  • I know that if I stopped publishing, I’d still write and share stories
  • But editors cost money
  • There’s never enough money
  • But people deserve hopeful stories, and they’re especially needed in this timeline
  • BUT people who would like my stories and find them valuable can’t find them easily
  • Or more like, I don’t know how to find the right readers
  • Once again, money is a problem but I don’t want to do traditional advertising anyway
  • And we’re back around to “it’s difficult to find one’s audience” and “do I do this for an audience?”

I’ve always written; stories and essays and poems and random strings of thoughts put into something tangible for me and for those who can relate are the way I interact with the world. Even more tangible is having those stories in a book, something I can hold and shelve and reopen to share passages from to any gathering of people interested. I don’t have to physically publish, but it makes me feel so good to hold one of those books.

So yeah, I do that for me, but also for you.

Finding the you part of the equation, that’s so much harder.

I thought my extensive network of friends and colleagues would be more interested, but that was wrong. Some were/are, which is a delight! But I learned pretty quickly that people I’ve known for years and years weren’t at all willing to buy and read my heart’s work. And that funnels back into a discussion I’ve had multiple times, about how the people you expect to support you often don’t, and how that changes how you understand your place in their world. It was really good for finishing off the illusions I held about my past and my relationships with certain groups and people, but what a way to get that dose of reality!

So I learned that even the people I know who actually read the genres I write in weren’t going to be my audience; what did that leave me? A vast untapped ocean of readers, but reaching them was a challenge. I’ve done my best to do so organically and ethically, and though I wish there were more of them, I have to trust that the right people will and are finding me. It’s a slow progress, but probably a lot more honest than the career of authors who become overnight sensations. I’m pretty sure the readers I reach this way will stick with my writing.

Ethics are a core part of the problem.

I don’t want to place ads on social media; again that’s casting a wide net that will maybe gather more people than actually are the right readers, but that’s if the ad actually reaches people. There’s no guarantee with those kinds of ad campaigns, and oh WOW do I hate the word “campaign” in regards to my art. It’s gross. I don’t want to pitch my work. I don’t want to convince you to spend your hard-earned money on something that’s not right for you. I want you to stumble upon my books, read the back blurb, and think “this sounds so much like me!”

Maybe I’m too idealistic. I dunno. I just know that I don’t want to do capitalism with my art. I want to do commerce, to do support for my work, to offer a space where the reader can, for a little while, watch characters like themselves struggle with their problems and discover the strengths they always had inside them, and at the end they and the readers are left with hopeful futures and a feeling of having found a community that loves them and who they are.

So I guess I found some of the answers to my questions.

Author’s note pt 2: I suppose this is the kind of thinking that most people would keep to themselves, their journal, or their small, trusted cohort. But if you’re a writer and an overthinker like me, you might find comfort in knowing you’re not the only one with these thoughts, or be curious about why I worry about these things if you don’t follow similar trains of thought. Or maybe you’re a reader and this gives you a glimpse into the way I approach my writing career and—honestly—pretty much everything in my life. I’m big into what some might deem oversharing because I think it’s important to normalize talking about this kind of analysis and critical thinking in every aspect of the life choices we make. I have a feeling that there will be additions to this conversation, so let’s call this Existential Author Thoughts [part 1 maybe].

Summer: So Fast & So slow

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Events Fun

Summer feels like it’s been both flying by and dragging its heels at every turn.

I’ve both been very busy and not at all, in almost unpredictable turns, since May. Some of that is thanks to the reality of living with a chronic illness, but also there’s just been this vibe out there, and that’s part of it. As Sousa would say, “I dunno, that’s above my pay grade.” [Every time it comes up I think me too, Souz, me too.]

I’ve had some pretty great events happen already this year:

Balticon and the WriteHive Annual Conference are two of my favorites.
I’ve been to some reading events with fantastic authors, and I had a visit to Walters Art Museum recently with my mom.
I had several lovely dates with my partner, and I managed to catch a couple of livestreamed BTS concerts from the comfort of my home.
I’ve also added new plants to my collection of small green friends and they’re doing really well.
All in all, a pretty modest but fulfilling couple of months, despite everything else happening in the world.

the banner for Self-Published Authors Appreciation Week 2026

Just this week, I had an interview with Jodie of Witty and Sarcastic Bookclub drop as part of Self-Published Authors Awareness Week. We talked about my writing methods, why I set all my stories in Baltimore, what books I’m currently recommending, and more. You can also click here and follow along with all this week’s #SPAAW posts, which is great news because there’s a wealth of talented authors to discover there!

Coming up in August, you can find me at the Book Fair at Bel Air, which is a local-to-me book event in its third year and growing rapidly into a literary event worth noticing. I’ve attended every year as a vendor and enjoyed it greatly, making new author friends and finding readers for my books. This year we’ve moved to a larger venue and it’s got dedicated parking and more room for everyone, super exciting! If you’re in the Baltimore area, I’d love to see you there on August 8th from 10a-2p! The event is free and suitable for all ages.

Right after that I’m off to catch BTS in concert here in Baltimore!

I was lucky enough to score tickets with my partner and my bestie, and we are going to have the BEST time. If you’ve been following along you’ll know that since I got really sick I became a fan and Bangtan helped me get through some of the worst times of my life with their beautiful, honest outlook on life and songs that tend to be insightful and emotionally resonant. Finally I’ll be able to do the thing I never thought I’d be able to do: be in the same room [well, stadium] with them. It’s pretty challenging to get tickets to their shows, especially this tour, so I feel extremely lucky. I’m also aware that this is going to require a lot from me: energy, spirit, endurance. I’m not used to going to big events like this anymore, especially ones that last for most of the day. [and in August, which is a rough month for me anyway; I don’t do well in heat/humidity] But I am PUMPED and ready, and I promise I’ll tell you all about it when it’s done and I’m suffering from post-concert depression!

The BTS concert will probably finish up my summer; I’m not quite sure what I’ll have on the docket for September and beyond but I know I have at least one possible [virtual] event, and maybe some more. Of course I’ll keep you updated! September holds the Baltimore Book Fair too, and if I’m going to be involved there, I’ll be sure to let you know.

How’s your summer been going? What good books have you been reading? Has it felt slow and fast to you too?

Purple flowers under a yellow-toned sky. The text reads "THE SKY IS YELLOW"

The Sky Is Yellow

Essays

I wake up, and the sky is yellow.

Not the orange or rust or outright brown of some places, where the smoke is worse; not yet, anyway. Just a hazy, thick yellow that reminds me of what it was like growing up, when every city had that haze hovering over it. When some days you couldn’t see the horizon—no, you couldn’t even see six or eight blocks away clearly. 

It used to be smoke everywhere, all the time, like living inside a smoking section in a restaurant, a thing that used to exist but we legislated to remove. Like how we wrote the Clean Air Act. Like how we worked against acid rain. Like how we came together to repair the hole in the ozone layer. Like how we started the shift to electric and hybrid vehicles. 

Like all these progressive moves we undertook to fight back against the damage that the industrial age imposed upon us because rich people were more concerned with fancy advances and making money over growth in a way that protected and enhanced the lives of the common people. 

Which sounds familiar. 

I remember back in 2012, watching The History Channel’s The Men Who Built America, uncomfortable all the way through it. It’s been criticized as a simplified version of events, cornily reenacted, with no new information. Oh, and for having Donald Trump as one of the experts interviewed. [read the Wikipedia article to see the details, I’m just summarizing.] As someone who didn’t grow up reading much about a bunch of rich men who threw their influence around in order to make even more money and gather power, I found the comparison to what was happening at the time, seen through my eyes as a more experienced adult, chilling.

I was not wrong to make those comparisons. Look at where we are now. I saw it coming, though not to this extent. Not to where we rolled back everything. Not to yellow skies.

We fixed this before, or at least were on our way to fixing things. So what do we do now? There are choices we need to make. 

Do we want to be ruled by a small circle of billionaires who only care about their own personal enrichment, even if it destroys everything else? Do we want to have to mask up in order to leave the house, hope and pray that the water we’re drinking, cooking with, bathing in, watering our food supply is uncontaminated? Are we going to stand here while they kill off anyone they think of as disposable or undesirable?

 

There are choices we need to make.

How?

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Essays Personal

How do we keep going? How do we put one foot in front of the other, over and over, moving toward an unnamed goal that somehow has a million hopeful and beautiful inner images to illustrate it on our internal vision board even though we can never fully pin it down?

How can we keep that focus when the world is burning all around us? We seem doomed to keep repeating the patterns of the past, the hatred and need to subjugate those deemed lesser, more expendable, worth only what can be extracted from those with more money and power and the right background and gender and skin tone.

How can I keep hope alive when I see the atrocities that humans perpetuate daily? So many of us look away, glad that it’s not us or those we love, turning back to our mundane daily issues that keep us from contemplating how close to ruin we are every day, both personal and planetary.

And how can I keep doing all the small things that mean a lot to me but nothing in the greater scheme without feeling like I’m betraying the world, ignoring what’s actually happening? How do I stand up and say “I have books for you; please buy them” when I know so many people begging for mutual aid just to keep their housing or pay medical bills or eat?

There’s no easy answer to these questions.

I ask myself these things every week, sometimes multiple times a week. I struggle over them. I am one small dot in this world, with no power or money and a failing body. What can I do?

I get loud. I advocate for people and things I want to support. I try to put my money where it’s most needed, not that I have enough to make a difference by any means. I’m struggling too. It’s not enough. It’s never enough.

I write stories where the answers come a little easier.

Not too easy. Never so easy that there’s not ethical dilemmas that must be wrestled with, and prices to be paid. But stories that are written to give us some hope, some magic to believe in, and characters with strength and morals and will that hopefully can inspire readers to do the same, even if it’s in small ways.

Is that enough? I don’t know. Probably not. Maybe I’m even a terrible person for offering hope at all. I don’t believe that–not usually–but today’s been a challenging day and I’m not sure I’m the good guy I want to be when I write stories like this.

But no, fuck that.

I am not one to give up. Even when my brain chemicals were telling me to do so every day, I fought back because I do believe that we can be better and do better, as my character Vali boldly asserts. All my characters take parts of my heart and my head and put them on the page to keep me going as well as you, because we all need that kind of hope.

We can’t give up. This is the only planet, the only people, the only existence we know for sure we’ll get.

The Biggest Person in the Room

Essays Personal

But if she was nervous, then it was up to him to make her feel more secure, right? That was what Grum always told him. “When you’re the biggest person in the room, you have to put the smaller ones at ease. Otherwise you’ll always be a threat, and you can’t trust anything a threatened person says or does as being true.”
[Ettir, from the upcoming Eleriannan novel]

I am not a big person.

Okay, let me expand on that statement a little. [yes, the pun, the pun]
I am a fat person, and my personality can be pretty big. But I am neither tall nor intimidating in appearance. I don’t have a lot of industry pull in any of the industries I’ve been involved in. I was a name that some people knew and respected–or despised, usually without actually knowing me–in both fiber arts and the goth/industrial music scene.

In the world of SFF, I’m a tiny sprout who gets some recognition but has a long way to go. That’s okay! I have no desire to rush my growth or increase my platform before I’m ready or deserving. My influence is small, and my audience is still pretty intimate. That’s not a bad thing. I know I’ll get there on my own time. But it means I can’t count on any kind of status to draw attention to the things I want to see succeed, or the things I want to see change. I have to do it a different way.

What I AM is loud.

This is a thing that anyone can do, although being loud can cost you. Being loud often makes people nervous, much like how Etttir’s Grum warned him about. Being loud makes you look bigger than you are, which is intimidating. That’s why I make sure to be loudest in service and support to other people and bigger causes.

It’s also easier to be loud about things that aren’t your own. You don’t feel like you’re taking up all the oxygen in the room. You don’t feel like you’re hawking your own projects constantly. And people will pay more attention to you if you’re making it about other people and causes more than you do yourself.

Loudness can be a kindness.

It takes the pressure off of those who are struggling to get the word out. It points out places that need attention to those who might be able to help. It can be employed to point out injustices and inequalities, and start the ball rolling for change, or at least introspection and discussion. You can use loudness as a weapon, but I prefer to consider it a tool.

I use loudness to try to balance the all-too-often-dominant voices in genre; instead boosting the posts and projects of BIPOC, Black, queer, disabled, and otherwise marginalized writers and indie publishers, the DIY and self-published authors who chose that path for important reasons. I use it to do my best to counter the voices already propped up by white supremacy and misogyny and capitalism and classism. It’s not always successful, but I keep trying, remembering that loudness can only take me so far when I’m still not quite big.

I can be loud when others need someone in the room to be loud for them; indeed it’s much easier for me to be loud on the behalf of another than it is for myself! I can use my voice to defend those who are beset by assholes who only want to tear down the more vulnerable. And I can be loud on panels, on social media, or at events where my influence can be much bigger than my actual size just by virtue of my loudness and enthusiasm.

I use my loudness to spread love.

“Promote what you love” I say and I mean it. As I said above, the best part about being loud is boosting the profile of people and projects I want to see succeed, the ones that aren’t mine. I also am ready to cheer on and cheer up anyone who is doubting themselves, needs a cheerleader, or needs a positive spin on things. I’m going to be in the corner of those who are suffering from impostor syndrome or struggling with a bad review. I know how those things feel! You can learn a lot from them but sometimes you first need someone to point out what’s great about you and what you create.

Does that make me a threat?

Honestly, maybe it does–to people who probably should be threatened by me. And for a lot of the people I challenge, I don’t trust what they have to say anyway, so nothing of value is lost.

To those that I champion? No, I’m in your corner. To myself? Possibly! But that’s been a lifelong problem.

What about you? Do you want to be the biggest person in the room, or the loudest? And if you are the biggest person in the room, who are you being loud for?

The Big Purge of 2026

Essays Personal

Operation: De-Google-Fy!

So it’s come to this; the state of enshittification has become so entrenched that even Google can’t just do the job it was made to do without turning to an AI summary-bot to break a search into tiny nuggets of almost-info that feels designed to discourage deep dives or inspire curiosity. And worse, the last update made it so Chrome has eaten up all the space in my storage and is making my computer run very slowly.

I’m tired, y’all.

There’s AI in my search, my email, my cloud storage, my calendar… all places that I don’t want or need it to be, while using up massive amounts of water and electricity. So what’s your intrepid writer pal to do? Burn it all down!

…well, not exactly. But I can and will remove all traces of the Google platform from my computer and my life, even if it takes me a little while to research options and de-entrench myself.

Here’s the funny thing: I have been using Google for my email and storage and calendar for a loooong time. I’d thought about weaning myself from them for a while, but put it off because I thought it would be a pain to do.

Y’all. I was SO wrong.

After some research I decided on trying Zen Browser, which is a free and open source app which runs on Mozilla account but you can choose the search engine it uses, and I went with Duck Duck Go. You can easily import all your bookmarks, passwords, and other info saved in your Chrome browser, and there are multiple workspace options where you can break your most used tabs into separate folders. I imported both of my Google accounts and split up the various tabs I usu regularly with each of them into separate folders, easy peasy. The learning curve was tiny and my only complaint so far is that certain media websites are not usable with Zen, because of DRM restrictions. That’s not a deal-breaker, because with the ENORMOUS amount of room I have on my laptop now that I’ve removed Chrome, I can download the apps and run them directly.

Did I mention that now my laptop has PLENTY of storage and is running smoothly and faster than ever? Yeah, fuck Chrome.

Next step? New email!

I already have an “official” email that all my newsletters come from, but my day-to-day stuff comes from two different gmail accounts. Surely switching from those would be a pain?

Hahaha NO. It was SUPER easy, thanks to ProtonMail. Again, it was a one-click import that brought over all my contacts, emails, and labels with no issues at all, and now I’ve been using it for a day and love it already. Calendar, the same. Next up is switching my storage and exploring the other Proton offerings. You can use the free tier or if you want more perks you can pay, but there’s plenty of usability on the free tier. I am thrilled by this.

No AI in my tools!

So that’s it, that’s the story of purging my computer of AI bullshit and the giant energy/space suck that is Chrome. I can’t completely eliminate it just yet because of some shared folders/etc with groups I work with, but soon enough I’ll be free.

[ironically, WordPress just added AI tools, but so far I’ve been able to avoid them being any kind of issue. I don’t want to go back to hand-coding my website again, but if I have to, I will. AI might not be totally avoidable in the programs we use, but there are options and we can avoid using AI in programs we need to keep working with. I’m not interested in GenAI anything and I hope the bubble bursts soon so that we can get into actual advancements in our programs.

If you’ve switched to something new to avoid GenAI, feel free to comment! As for AI fans/people in a rush to cape for AI… don’t bother. I’ll remove anything that gets through my filters. Go sell your thneeds to someone else.

My notes for Fatphobia in SFF

Panel Notes

Hi friends! You’re probably reading this after attending the Fatphobia in SFF panel at Balticon 60. Or maybe you stumbled onto this post while doing research about the subject. I wanted to provide my notes from the event in a simple post for those who want more context, thinking material, or further reading. I’m just simply dropping this in for now and will fancy it up later. The most important part are the links!

Fatphobia in SFF 

SFF has a dreadful legacy of fatphobia. Fatness often is equated with villainy and sloth, or with a helplessness to be shed over the course of the story. If they’re not dying first, fat people are usually the butt of the joke. Who is writing these types of characters better, and more importantly, how can the genre world follow their lead?  

With Pallas A. Bane, Jen Finelli, MD, Christiane Knight, John Robison (Father John) moderator

Fatphobic character portrayals:

  • Dune – Frank Herbert. Baron Harkonnen, specifically designed to not only be “grossly” fat but to revel in it, a bit meant to disgust the reader
  • Thinner – Richard Bachman/Stephen King featuring a curse that causes a lawyer to drop pounds rapidly
  • Jabba the Hutt – pretty much the same kind of tropes as Harkonnen, using fatness/grossness to signal evil
  • Wall-E – fatness is used as a metaphor for sloth and overconsumption/consumerism and often fat characters’ weight is used as the butt of jokes [and I did like this film, but *despite* that] [oh yeah, and fat=disability also which is problematic at best]
  • Harry Potter, which has WAY more wrong with it than Dudley Dursley but we’re here to talk fat

Depends on how you feel about it:

  • Fat Thor, which was played for laughs but also felt to some folks like representation
  • The Adipose in Doctor Who, “Partners in Crime” 
  • Kingpin, called “The Fat Man” but is also incredibly strong
  • Ursula in The Little Mermaid – a character with agency and wit, iconic, but also monstrous, someone who stole Ariel’s voice for her own agenda 

Some positive portrayals of larger bodies:

  • River of Teeth – Sarah Gailey. Archie is a gloriously well written fat person. 
  • “Cloud Dweller” – E. Catherine Tobler
  • “Maggies” – Nisi Shawl
  • Dust Bowl Revival – Marianne Kirby – Henrietta Goodness is a fat hero that other fat folk can relate to
  • Six of Crows – Leigh Bardugo
  • T. Kingfisher, Terry Pratchett’s books
  • Brimstone & Roses by Mei Rothschild on WebToons – MC Bea is definitely flawed [I mean she summoned a demon to be her date to her ex’s wedding] but lovingly written and drawn
  • Avatar: The Last Airbender – Uncle Iroh

Some thoughts I only shared in part on the panel:

Humanizing people, instead of othering them, is the key to writing well balanced fat characters. Their fatness shouldn’t villainize them or be a characteristic that demonstrates their vileness. Nor should it be the most notable thing about them. If you wrote me as a character, how would you describe me? More importantly, how would I describe myself? Is my fatness important to the roles I play in my life? If it’s notable as more than a description to round me out [yes, I chose this wording on purpose] in the reader’s mind, why? What does my fatness as a character serve? These are all important thoughts to consider when writing a fat character. At the end of the day, in this world at least, my body size and shape are the least interesting things about me. In a science fiction or fantasy setting, that may differ but there had better be a good reason to dwell on it that doesn’t diminish me as a person.

Leaving out fat characters is also fatphobia. We are everywhere in daily life. We deserve to be on the page and the screen, but as fully-formed people, not a distillation of our body shape and the usual tropes that go along with fat characters.

 

Please investigate the essays and writing of fat activist and excellent writer Meg Elison, author of the Road to Nowhere series. Also, she and Marianne Kirby offer an on-demand master class on writing fat characters over at Writing The Other. 

Also worth checking out: the Fat Books Database, hosted on Google Drive
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10W6b3Dmeh6xCv4rQlScVDgXPFXQQisJIF6DaZBYooPw/htmlview


More Links:


Writing Fat Bodies w/ Marianne Kirby and Meg Elison – https://writingtheother.com/writing-fat-characters-2023/

A scathing critique on The Whale from Lindy West – https://www.theguardian.com/film/2023/mar/10/lindy-west-on-the-whale

SFF’s Big Fat Problem by R.K. Duncan : https://www.tor.com/2022/10/25/sffs-big-fat-problem/

The Fat Body Problem by Meg Elison: https://www.uncannymagazine.com/article/the-fat-body-problem/

A Small List of Large Characters: Fat Representation in SFF by Jessi Cole Jackson: https://www.sfwa.org/2017/11/28/small-list-large-characters-fat-representation-sff/

Strong Women–Strange Worlds on May 1st and Beyond!

SW-SW

First and Foremost: Please join us on May 1st 2026 for a free, virtual QuickReads session with six women and non-binary authors!


Happening this Friday May 1st from Strong Women – Strange Worlds, we have a fantastic line-up of talented women and non-binary science fiction, fantasy, and horror authors: Elly Bangs, A.L. Kaplan, Lauren Beukes, Anne E.G Nydam, A.Y Chao, and E.D.E. Bell. Join us for this free live virtual reading and stay for the fun chat and community. There will be prizes/giveaways from the authors as well – you won’t want to miss this!

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/strong-women-strange-worlds-33460611105

These QuickReads happen twice monthly: on the First Friday at noon, and on the Third Thursday in the evening.

Lately, we’ve been playing around with what evening time will be the best for the most attendees. It’s hard these days to know what affects attendance, and it’s even more difficult to reach possible attendees and future community members. I don’t have to tell you that it’s exceptionally hard to break through the endless onslaught of upsetting news. People are burned out, exhausted, and broke. We get that because… same, friend.

It’s one of the reasons why I love SW-SW though: it’s free. It comes to you where you are, via Zoom. It brings you entertainment from six writers of fantasy, horror, and science fiction, and a robust discussion afterwards with the authors in a community that cares deeply about genre writing and supporting women and non-binary writers. And if for some reason you can’t attend when it’s happening live, you can always check out the recordings on the Strong Women-Strange Worlds YouTube channel.

Heck, we’re even putting together podcasts with even more interesting discussions!

I’m mentioning this because I’m part of the SW-SW committee, as the head of the Audience Outreach team. I do this because I believe strongly in our mission and work. We’re a small group of volunteers who want to provide a space for genre works from marginalized groups to get more attention, and we work really hard to make that happen.

I’d be touched if you took some time to check out one of our upcoming readings–or multiples! Please help us support what we want to see more of in this world. And if you could share this post with others who you think would enjoy this, that would be so wonderful. Thank you!

The cover to novel A Small Light in the Darkness overlaid on a photo of lightning. Next to it, text reads: Launch Party; chat and reading with Christiane Knight

Missed the Launch Party? I got you!

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A Small Light in the Darkness Fun

…and other news!

If you missed yesterday’s Launch Party for A Small Light in the Darkness, never fear! I have uploaded it to YouTube and will also embed it at the bottom of this blog post, for easy access. Expect a very animated me talking at length about research, process, and the personal connections that went into my story, as well as a reading from ASLID.

…I had so much fun! I think you can tell.

Also, in the portion of the book that I read, Fo shares a video with Tryst about murmurations that he found to help him understand what she was referring to. If you’ve been on ye olde Internets for a long time, you may have seen this previously, but it’s always a good day to share it, in my opinion.

It’s perfectly magical and captures exactly the kind of beauty that Tryst and Fo both talk about that people often overlook.

Ratings! Reviews! Help me get seen?

As a small indie/self published author, visibility is a real struggle. I don’t have the kind of money to drop into big ads, and honestly I have my doubts as to how effective they actually are. Not to mention, I really don’t want to go that route. It feels icky. I love the idea of word-of-mouth advertising and growth on merit, but I also know that I’m a starry-eyed mooncalf and it’s really difficult to get any traction in the fast-moving world of algorithms and social media darlings that flash and burn.

So here’s my ask: if you’ve read my novel, will you leave a rating or review somewhere? On Goodreads or LibraryThing or TheStorygraph or IndieStoryGeek or on your blog or social media? Every time you tell a friend or stranger about an indie author, we loosen the grip of big publishing on storytelling! And you’ll help me get this story into more hands too. 💜

If you haven’t read it yet and need a copy, it’s slowly making its way everywhere! In the US, you can buy a signed paperback directly from me, or an ebook if you’re anywhere in the world. If you’re outside the US and buy it elsewhere, I’m happy to send you a signed bookplate. The ebook is available everywhere, DRM free because I love you.

I already have two amazing reviews up on Goodreads, both from folks in the field who have very kind things to say about ASLID. I feel very fortunate.

While you’re here, a question:

Doing the launch party reminded me how much I enjoy putting out visual content, and it made me want to do more videos, like I used to do. Question is: would you enjoy that? I can bring back Office Hours and maybe even restart doing my serial readings from In Sleep You Know… or something else that maybe you really want to see. Leave a comment with your vote!

And as always, my deepest gratitude for your ongoing support, dear friends.

What’s it like to be free?

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A Small Light in the Darkness Essays

A lot of the time I post here with an intention in mind: talk about writing, my books, give updates. But why I originally started blogging, long long ago, was to collect my thoughts and share them with people who might feel the same way or feel seen.

Lately my challenge has been to do all of the first part while the world is in crisis. Maybe that’s why my speculative fiction writing has turned more towards critically looking at the fucked up things that are happening these days? It’s been said that one of my great strengths as a writer is that I write believable, relatable characters–and I agree. It’s because they draw from my own experiences and thoughts, and those of people I’ve known, which is why they ring true. They often deal with situations bigger than themselves and have to make tough choices. Right now, like them, it’s hard for us to be surrounded by all these horrible things happening. We feel too small to fight on our own and sometimes even struggle to get our minds around the reality we’re in; it’s just so BIG and sometimes it feels almost unfathomable to understand how we got here.

Note: it’s not unfathomable. It just feels that way, because looking at the steps that took us here is painful and requires us to be honest about ourselves, our society, and our roles within that society. Self-examination is a skill and many people aren’t willing to develop it or be honest with themselves, because they don’t like what they see. But we can’t change things if we don’t acknowledge our roles in those things.

Self-examination and action. That’s what we’re missing.

And of course modern life these days [carefully curated by the powers that want it this way] is structured to keep us from thinking and action. It’s no coincidence that instability, uncertainty, and the crushing weight of what it takes just to survive [much less thrive] keeps us off-balance and busy. That’s how fascism works. Meanwhile we’re out there struggling to pay the bills and keep our jobs while the very rich force us out of our jobs and do their best to dumb us down into a serf class. Or in my case, take away the systems that help to keep me alive. We’re only valued for what we can do for them.

Of course that’s demoralizing. That’s the point.

So how do we get free?

Oh friend. If I only had a pat answer for that question.

We need to pay attention to what others did to break free. We need to take our education into our own hands, as well as our entertainment, our goals, and our destinies. But the challenge these days is that we have propaganda and distractions right in our hands all day long, seemingly inescapable. Our entertainment, education, and communication system–the Internet–has been taken over and commodified by programs owned by the very people who look at us as commodities instead of people. Yes, the irony of me writing this in those spaces is not lost on me. Most of my network of friends and colleagues are accessible to me only through online means. It’s a conundrum that I can’t escape, so I do the best that I can to mitigate the harm and choose platforms and services that seem the least impactful whenever I can.

No, it’s not a solution. It’s working within parameters that I can’t control so that I can exercise control somewhere.

Every day I watch people just give up on those small protests, those tiny ethical choices that at least give us some way to rebel. But look: those small motions accrue. They add up to bigger impact over time, like how a tsunami might start small but swell to a huge wave or a giant rush of water. And if nothing else, they tell our brains the important message: WE HAVEN’T GIVEN UP.

We have to fight for freedom.

Some fights require hands or weapons. Straightforward resistance, you know? What most people consider the purest form of resistance, even if they don’t realize it.
Resistance is more complex than an outright battle, though.

Resistance starts with “No, I won’t do that.”

  • I won’t turn in my neighbors to a group of people who have been proven to be cruel and lawless.
  • I won’t use or endorse the tools of fascists like AI, crypto, or billionaire controlled and monopolized media.
  • I won’t discriminate against those of other genders/presentations/sexualities, nationalities/races, religions, cultures, social classes, abilities or disabilities; differences make the world richer and more vibrant.
  • I won’t spread propaganda or disinformation, nor will I be a party to banning books from any source.
  • I won’t support your hateful regime.

What are your next steps? The positives, of course. What you will do. What do you stand for? What do you want to see more of in the world? You need to get vocal in your support of it. Speak up, protest in whatever way you’re able, call your political representatives or even show up where they’ll be if they won’t listen. Put your money, time, attention into the places you want to champion. In my case that’s support for the homeless/unhoused, feeding people, disability rights and benefits, gender and sexuality equality and acceptance, and education for all.

What will you champion? How will you fight to be free?

I guess if you were looking for a “regular” update you might not have read this far. My mind’s been consumed with two things: the upcoming book release of A Small Light in the Darkness, and our fast-tracked descent into fascism. It’s really hard to be out here yelling about pre-ordering my speculative novel while watching a war happen, various genocides, the rapid, orchestrated decline of reading comprehension, a number of environmental crises, and honestly too many other things to list out. It’s not like y’all don’t know.

I woke up feeling both as hopeful and desperate about the state of everything as I could possibly be. I see people trying to do good in every way they know how, and others [generally those with more immediate power] sacrificing the planet and its inhabitants to line their pockets with ultimately worthless paper.

And here I am with a story to tell you, to hopefully sell you.

Apologies to KC Green.

Maybe it’ll spark hope in you. Maybe it’ll serve as a welcome distraction. Maybe you’ll feel good supporting an honest-writing, deeply caring author who has dreamed of reaching you with their words and making a difference to you or the world.

Maybe I’m just whistling in the dark. You can join in, if you like.

Anyway, I hope that you pick something to champion today. And maybe pre-order A Small Light in the Darkness, if you want to think more about the decisions that my characters have to make and the big question of what makes us who we are.