WritingCommunity

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Text that reads "Trials & Success & Saving Each Other" in pink text over a pink and yellow image of a hand coming from the water waving for help

Trials and Success and Saving Each Other

Essays On Creating

So last night, I had a bit of a breakdown.

To be honest, it’s been coming. The weight of so many things have been pushing down on me [on many of us, probably everyone reading this] and my brain went through a cycle of Bad and/or Difficult Thoughts, in rapid succession:

  • I started publishing my writing later in life, and I feel time ticking away
  • The world’s got bigger things on its mind than what I’m doing, and the country I live in is slipping headfirst into totalitarianism 
  • My body has been showing signs of my disease getting more active and I’m afraid that I’ll lose everything I’ve gained, which was nothing like what I had before I crashed initially, but still better than when I was at my worst
  • Trying to find the people who will love my work is like shouting into the void; I know they’re out there but getting their attention amidst all this is easily one of the toughest things I’ve ever done
  • Does anyone even care about my stories?
  • Does any of this matter?

It’s difficult to keep a positive outlook, facing all of that. ¹

Ironically, I’m known for being upbeat and for encouraging new writers. 

But see, that’s the trick. I can do that, with my whole chest, because I’ve been through these times of dark despondency. When I show up with encouragement and advice, it’s because it came hard-won. I can honestly tell aspiring authors:

“Yes, times will be bad and you will doubt everything, including your place in the world and why you should bother trying to get your words out there. But times change constantly. You just have to keep going. You have to trust that your calling is true and remember that staying focused on your goals will guide you through the darkest parts of life.”

I can say that with my whole chest because it’s true for me. 

What defines success? Who tells you what it looks like?

You do.

Success for me looks like getting up every day and putting my thoughts to paper or a screen, analyzing them and looking for what’s true or beautiful or poignant and sharing that when it feels right. Yes, even when the world is falling apart, because sometimes—a lot of the time—this is all I can control.

Success looks like watching my slow but steady progress in my author career, as more people recognize my name and know what I talk about, even if they haven’t read one of my books. 

Success is knowing that people trust what I’ll tell them about life, or building a writing career—or anything really—is based on honesty, life experience, and a deep desire to be helpful and supportive. I always stress that I’m sharing my lived experiences and that theirs might be different, especially when weighing privilege and inequalities as part of the picture, but that being open and ready to lend a hand have gotten me quite far.

Success isn’t linear.

I’m Christiane Knight, and I write hopeful stories, even though I’m not always filled with hope. I write about versions of our world where magic is possible but what ultimately solves the problems and gets the characters through the dark times is the characters saving each other through love, and trust, and community. On the surface it might look like the magic did the job, but that’s not the truth of it.

They save each other.

We have to save each other, too.

Success is putting those thoughts into the world over and over, through stories and comments and posts like these, and trusting that my words will create ripples of hope and change, even if that’s on the smallest of scales. 

That’s how I measure success.  

Success doesn’t mean that the problems and dark times go fully away, either. Those will persist and return in different forms, because there will always be struggle.

“Wherever there’s hope there’s a trial.” – Haruki Murakami [also see: Sea, by BTS]

But the trials do make success, however you measure it, that much sweeter. 

And if I can help even one person with my words and actions, especially in these dark times, that’s the most meaningful success of all.

¹ Because this is the Internet, where nuance goes to die, please do know that I am also terrified for people who are being disappeared or unjustly held in hellhole cells for the temerity to live here or crossing the border legally; angry for the people who are being deported or losing their jobs over political stances that are in opposition to this current regime; feeling helpless and furious that once again Black and brown people and LGBTQIA2S+ folks are in danger [not that it ever stops], women are fighting aggressive patriarchy, and the poor and disabled are once again on the brink of being left to die. I was trying to keep it short and sweet but then thought I’d better say this explicitly, because there’s always someone online who doesn’t know you but is desperate to have a gotcha moment.
² There is no second note, other than to say that if you let them keep you from creating, then they win. Fuck that, my friends. Let’s create out of love, and out of spite if we have to.

It’s that time again – NaNoWriMo!

A Small Light in the Darkness NaNoWriMo

Do you think you can write a novel in a month?

That seems like a big task, doesn’t it? But there’s an entire group of writers who will be joining forces as we write 50,000 words in the month of November, and have been doing it for years! If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you may be aware that I’ve taken part in NaNoWriMo for a long time, and even wrote parts of all my books during NaNo and Camp NaNo.

My books all run around 120,000 words, so I usually manage about half a book[ish] during the event. That equals out to 1667 words daily, though I often write more on some days so that I can write less on others, or skip some days entirely. Time management is the key to staving off burnout, though the first part of any story is when I tend to crank out the most words quickly because I’m excited and into it.

But… why?

I love writing with a goal. I’m a very goal-driven person, and I also respond well to gamification – and you can earn badges on the NaNo site for your profile! I also love watching that number count rise. Staying focused can be difficult but the structure of NaNoWriMo really sets me up for success, and I love that.

I also love the idea of writing in community, even though writing itself is rather solitary. There are so many group sprints, discords, and groups on the NaNo community board that I can join. I also host sprints and offer encouragement on my Discord for those who want my special brand of cheerleading.

How I do it.

Generally, I’m a plantser. This is known. But this year, I’m working – at least this is the plan – on a short story, rather than a full-fledged novel, and that means that I’ve changed my usual ways.

My process has been this:

  • Start with writing down the basic story idea. [I’ll give you that at the end of this post]
  • Create character sheets for the MCs and antagonist that includes things like motivations and goals.
  • Write an opening paragraph or two that establishes the start and feel of the story.
  • *new this year!* Write a basic outline that includes the major beats.
  • Research, note taking, details that will show up in the story.
  • Photos for inspiration, to be added to mood board or mock cover art.

Getting all those steps out of the way before I start writing makes for much smoother sailing. Adding the outline step feels weird but honestly, I’m more ready this year than I possibly ever have been! It’s a map that I can use or ignore at will, but it at least gives me the basic path for where I think the tale will lead me. And it allows my brain to work in the background on the storyline without fancifully taking it places that I know I won’t actually be using.

My brain likes to do that a lot.

I write in Scrivener, and for NaNo I use the NaNoWriMo template, which will auto-update my daily wordcounts to my account on the NaNo site. I’ve already got my chapter structure set up, too, with basic notes in each folder to remind me where I should be, beat-wise. My character sheets live there along with the outline and a page for links and resources from my research that I’ll be drawing on as I write. I picked up Scrivener after my first NaNo “win” because they offered 50% off to winners, and it was the best decision ever. The organization and customization it offers is right up my alley.

Other folks use programs like Plottr or Atticus or even Word, and they all have pros and cons but do the job. I think trying out different ones is a good way to find the one that matches up best with your needs.

I still recommend Caveday for a focused writing space, but right now I’ve been doing a lot of sprints on my Discord, The House of Three Ravens, as well as some other writing community Discords. I don’t need a camera open or mic on for that and I can run one any time I like!

Another thing that I do is send each finished chapter – unedited – to my #1 alpha reader, my partner Christopher. I let him read through and get his general first impressions of where the story is going and if everything makes sense and is keeping him interested. I take note of any plot points or details that he’s got questions about or isn’t clear on, and use that for my first edits and adjustments. When I’m writing fast and loose having that grounding but supportive read through is essential! I also find that his questions can help me go more in depth in character arcs or find places to add details that he’s suggested.

It’s the ritual, dummy.

That’s what I tell myself when marvel at how much I get accomplished during NaNo. Ritual, and structure.

My usual plan is this: have lunch, and make sure all my distractions are managed for the next few hours. I get a snack and brew a mug of tea, then put in my earbuds and select some music suited to what I’m writing. Usually that’s the soundtrack I’ve put together for the story, though not always. Then I minimize everything but Scrivener and start writing, usually at 3pm. I’ll write for about 1.5 – 2 hours and in that time hopefully hit my word goal.

I like to reward myself by getting up and doing a stupid dance. You can use your imagination for that, I’m not making a video.

Probably.

If you’re interested at trying your hand at NaNo, let me know! I’m ready to offer advice or just cheer you on loudly.

Now… do you wanna see what I’ll be writing?

Two lonely people meet through an online bulletin board and send each other longing emails filled with stories and poetry. Slowly one begins to sense that something’s not quite as they assumed…

And now I’m off to make last minute adjustments to my outline! I’ll give you the next update in the upcoming episode of Magic All Around podcast, coming soon!

When you purchase the highly curated products that I mention through my links, I may earn a commission. It’s a nice way to support your favorite struggling artist weirdo!
A collage of sea, scenic, and building images in film frames with the text September Updates overlaid.

September 2023 – full of hidden magic

Magic All Around Podcast Novel Updates

I’ve been busy enough to keep me from updating here until now, which is great for me but leaves you a bit in the dark, doesn’t it?

What’s been happening?

A quick recap from August:

  • I finished the first draft of ATKOM and then did several rounds of revisions. It’s off with the editor right now, then I’ll get it back and revise some more.
  • In Sleep You Know was cut from SPFBO. I’m extremely glad to have had the experience and to have met so many excellent indie authors and book reviewers through the process. As a reader, I can say with all confidence that there’s no better place to look for your next reads than from the 300 contestants. I’ve filled up my own library with titles from SPFBO and I can’t wait to see who is chosen as the ultimate winner!
  • I applied for a couple of opportunities but I can’t say more until I know more. Oooh, secrets.
  • I added new merch to the Ko-Fi in the form of Fae Baubles – hand made jewelry from me!
  • In the interim while I wait on edits/revisions, I came up with another idea that I can’t wait to share with you…

Introducing the Magic All Around podcast/vlog!

I played around a little bit with this idea when I first published In Sleep You Know, looking for various ways to converse about writing, books, and other related topics. You might have seen those couple of videos on my YouTube channel! Because of life considerations getting in the way, I didn’t get very far with the experiment that time, but as I’m in the editing/revising phase of book #3 and I have more time and energy to spare, I devised this plan to bring together a handful of things that I love and that I think are relevant to my creative world… plus…

I’m going to be doing chapter reads from In Sleep You Know!

So many people have asked for this, how could I say no? I enjoy reading aloud anyway, so this will be a treat for me to do, and I’m hoping that it’s entertaining for YOU!

I haven’t set a schedule yet, but I’ll have readings as both a video and audio option. If you’re a Ko-fi supporter, I’ll make the chapters downloadable for you as a supporter perk! If this project goes well, I’ll be able to create an audiobook type of experience, which is one of my dreams for my series. And if it doesn’t… well, I’ll have a good time!

Here’s some of the other things that Magic All Around will cover:

In the Music @ The Maithe segment I’ll talk about tracks/bands that’ve recently caught my interest, and I might go on a bit about how they fit into my overall literary world, too. Art & Mystique will be about the inspiration and influence I find in the arts, expressed in a variety of ways. I’m pretty excited about these two because they’re the backbone of my inspirations.

Crafty Charms will encompass all the different things I’m working on and how they tie into my literary world, too. Expect everything from Fae-inspired fiber arts to the character dolls and miniature world of the Eleriannan I’m slowly working on creating!

Magic Seeking is a peek into the philosophy of my life: finding magic in unexpected places, often ones you pass by every day. That’s both in a physical and metaphorical sense! And of course, Words & Writing is when I talk about what stories I’m working on, and other writerly updates.

I’m hoping to start recording these very soon, along with bringing back radio shows over at Radio Xiane and some other creative offerings, so keep tuned. I’ll announce here, on Ko-fi, and via my newsletter. Expect episodes to be full of me being my ridiculous self, which is either an issue or a selling point, depending on who you are! 😉

That’s all I’ve got for updates for now! I wanted to mention that if you’re interested in being an advance reader/reviewer for the upcoming book, make sure to sign up on the ARCs page to get on the list!

Text: Good vs. Evil? Nah. Background is a hooded and shadowed man against a grey wall.

Good vs. Evil? Nah.

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Characters Writing

My stories aren’t for everyone.

Some people want it dark, and my books are not that. They have dark moments, and people who do bad things, but the overall atmosphere is hopeful, built on the idea that we are strongest when we work together.

I don’t write the kind of fantasy that has obviously evil villains. I don’t believe that there’s that many purely evil people out there, so what are the chances that our everyday fae-befriending main characters would be running into Big Evil?

Even the Camlin, the Big Bad from In Sleep You Know turns out later to have a much more complex history than “I hate everything and especially you.” [You’ll have to read Cast a Shadow of Doubt to see how that goes!] The Arswyd and the other Grimshaw, too – they have their own motivations for why they act like they do.

Rather than focusing on evil as a motivator for a storyline, I’d rather explore the traumas and misunderstandings that lead people to the choices they’ve made. I talk about broken and dysfunctional families, social pressure, being without a house or a community, feeling inadequate and powerless – and how all these things shape how we move in the world. The magic parts of my stories are more than just the powers that the Fae bring. They’re all entwined in the decisions that the characters make.

You might ask, then why even have magic in these books? Why are they fantasy and not just books with “regular” characters? What a great question!

Having magical characters serves a couple of functions.

It demonstrates possibility. The magic is a way to shine a light in the darkest times, a beacon for what good can exist even in the midst of struggle.

It offers balance and perspective. Even the mightiest of the Fae struggle with everyday issues, ones that magic can’t solve, like relationships. And when the mortals get magic, it doesn’t change their flaws either. Merrick and Lucee both still have to learn how to believe in themselves and what they are capable of, with or without the use of magic.

Creepy pale woman in a black dress stares down the camera

And honestly, one of my favorite things about my characters is watching them learn how alike they all are, Fae or mortal, despite their obvious differences. The creepy, uncanny Ladies have internal power struggles. The Ffyn are happy-go-lucky dancing trees until it’s time to defend their friends. Merrick leans on his companions whenever he’s unsure what he should do, and that includes the Fae once he’s decided that he’s with them.

As the stories progress, the characters begin to work through their assumptions and prejudices as they discover their commonality. And I’d argue that’s another kind of magic.

Every protagonist needs a foil, but that doesn’t mean that we need to always have the divisions be starkly divided. And don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with cartoonish villains or implacably evil characters or whatever other types of villains you enjoy reading or writing! They’re just not what I write, and they’re not the kind of fantasy novels I’m interested in bringing into the world.

I crave hopeful stories with plots that address issues I see in this world, and that’s what I write. Which is why I can confidently say that my books aren’t for everyone, and that’s okay – but I think you might be surprised how much you can relate to what happens in the Baltimore of the Eleriannan.

A hand holds a camera, the viewscreen facing us. It displays the logo for SPFBO inside the screen. There is a small icon of the cover of the novel In Sleep You Know in the left lower corner, and the text Take A Risk.

SPFBO and Being Brave and Bold

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Goals In Sleep You Know

One of my pledges to myself this year was that as soon as I was stable enough, health-wise, I was going to start making up for all the things that I’ve missed out on thanks to being sick – and to be brave and bold and go for opportunities, even if I’m unsure how they’ll work out for me.

It’s not that I’m risk adverse. In fact, I’m laughing as I type that, because anyone who truly knows me absolutely knows how bold and occasionally rash I can be. As the Eleriannan might say, “audentes fortuna iuvat” – and that’s been proven true for more times than I can count. Being brave and bold gets you more than sitting around waiting for things to fall into your lap, y’all.

All this is my long winded way of saying that I entered In Sleep You Know into the Self Published Fantasy Blog Off or SPFBO 9, which is a contest designed to put a spotlight on, as the title suggests, self-published fantasy novels. It is organized yearly by Mark Lawrence, and this is the ninth year. Three hundred book submissions are divided amongst ten blogs, who read, review, and eliminate the selections until they find the one book they’ll put into the final round.

The second round is where all the judging blogs get the finalist books to review and make a decision between. At the end of the process, a winning book [and also a winning cover, in a separate, concurrent contest] will be chosen and crowned the winner of SPFBO. Yay! The entire process takes about a year, so expect occasional updates as things progress.

I’ve gone into this with zero expectations in any direction other than finding some new reads, getting some exposure, and making some new writing and reviewing friends/contacts. The experience is worth it! [though of course I want to win, but truly that’s not the reason to enter]

If you want to see all of the entries and what blogs will be doing the reviewing – which I highly recommend, get you some new reads – you can go here [there’s also stats about SPFBO and other interesting info] and here [a gorgeous visual layout where you can see all the covers and click easily on each story’s link].

In other brave and bold news:

  • I’ll be participating in the Broad Universe members Rapid-Fire Reading at Balticon! As soon as I get the scheduled time and details I’ll make sure to post them.
  • I decided that I’m going to start taking a writing class monthly, to continue to hone my craft and re-invest in myself. The one for June is going to be Embodied Characters, taught by my brilliant friend Marianne Kirby! It’s being hosted by Neon Hemlock and if you’d like to take it too, the link is here – https://www.neonhemlock.com/neon-salon
  • I started going back to the gym this week! This is a huge deal because I’m trying to regain strength and stamina that I lost while I was mostly housebound. I’m glad to report that I’m not nearly as weak as I thought I might be!
  • I had an iced chai latte with almond milk and it didn’t wreck my guts. *throws confetti*

What brave and bold things have you done lately? I want to know! Hit reply and leave a comment so that I can cheer you on, too. 💜

Today’s brave and bold soundtrack: D-Day by Agust D. Stream it here: https://open.spotify.com/album/446ROKmKfpEwkbi2SjELVX?si=t4gM9tqBT6ysbTDP3tz3JQ
Blue camera on orange background with text: Getting close now, checking in on progress of A Third Kind of Madness

Getting Close Now: progress check-in

A Third Kind of Madness Novel Updates On Creating

Hello friends! It’s time for an update on my writing progress, and it’s great news – I am SO CLOSE to getting the first draft of this book finished!

As of this blog post, I’ve got about 21,000 words to hit my word goal!

That’s about five chapters, to put it into perspective. I know, right?

Some things to know about the whole process:

  • This is a tentative goal, but I generally aim for about 120,000 to 125,000 words for a novel.
  • The word count will change as I go into revision.
  • This is my first draft, so some things may change drastically when I revise, but usually that’s not the case for me.
  • A chapter for my books usually runs an average of 4,000 words.
  • I’m at the point now as a writer where I seem to know instinctively where to start gathering all the various plot points together. When I realized that, I was blown away!
  • The last ten chapters seem to take the longest to write.

Expounding on that last point – my whole writing process slows down when I get to the last parts of the story. And it makes sense, of course, because there’s usually so many things to carefully weave together, making sure nothing gets left behind. Plus, this is where the “big action” of the story takes place, often with physical scenes and a lot more character interaction that all has to be carefully plotted out and sometimes even acted out by me to make sure that it all makes sense and reads properly.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to pose myself to make sure what I’m describing makes sense and works the way I want it to, ha. Or research things like, I dunno… sun angles, location maps, names of specific armor, animal facts. The list goes on and on. Recently I got sidetracked by a search of specific nautical terms.

Photo by Barna Kovacs on Unsplash

Once I’m finished with the first draft, I’ll go in for revisions, round one. Some people pause between phases of writing their book, and I like to pause between revisions and editing. I prefer to revise while the story is fresh in my head, and while I remember exactly what I knew I’d need to go back and rearrange or pretty-up. Sometimes, you just need to get the scene down on the page, you know, before you lose that spark.

So I’ll revise, then I’ll rest the story for a short period and work on other things, so that I can come back to it with fresh eyes and mind for the editing process. Once I’ve gone over it approximately ONE MILLION TIMES I’ll send it to a professional editor. Then they’ll go over it a bunch and then it comes back to me for changes and EVEN MORE CHECKING.

You may have noticed that this means I’ll have read this story a substantial number of times before you ever do.

I’ve probably read my stories more times than anyone ever will. Not because I’m my #1 fan or anything, but to fact-check, to re-immerse myself in the storyline, to look for quotes, and… sometimes just for fun. THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID IT. I read my own books because I like them! 🤣

I love my characters. I mean, they live in my head, I’m close to them! I also love the settings in my books, and they’re detailed enough that I have to go back and check “Was this on the left or the right? Where exactly is the door to the courtyard in relation to the kitchen?” Trust me, those little details matter. Someone will notice if I screw it up! I actually recently wrote out a long walk-through of The Maithe for that reason. Maybe one day I’ll share it!

That’s my update for now. Once the first draft is finished I’ll talk some more about it and start giving you more thorough introductions to the characters and what they’re all about. But for now, thank you for reading, and if you have any questions about my process, please do reply below!

A tarot deck with the Star card on top, text that says The Power To Pivot, Photo by Photo by Viva Luna Studios on Unsplash

The Power to Pivot

On Creating Personal Writing

This isn’t about writing, not exactly.

It’s about how life can change in the blink of an eye. And it’s about how those changes can be traumatic but also can usher in a new – and possibly better – phase of one’s life.

In tarot, the Tower card is generally viewed with trepidation, if not some well-founded fear. It’s all about seismic change, the upheaval of everything you’ve become accustomed to, whether you like it or not. Sometimes that means chaotic change. Other times that change, although life-altering and possibly painful, leads to better or at least more grounded things. A lot of the time, how it resolves depends on how you respond to the events.

Thing is, inside that Tower moment, everything sucks. It’s traumatic! Change, especially unexpected change, is difficult to process and often painful. But it can lead to transformation, too. There’s a reason why the Star, a card of hope, follows the Tower.

For a lot of people, the COVID lockdown was a Tower moment, and understandably so. There were so many changes in such quick succession! Even now, things are different than they used to be in many ways, and we’re still figuring some things out. For me, the lockdown was actually the transition from the Tower to the Star.

See, I was rushed to the hospital with my emergency small bowel resection at the end of August 2019. THAT was my Tower moment: I could have died, it restructured everything that I knew about life, and I was put out of commission for months. I’ve written plenty about it, but here’s where the title of this text comes into play – because just when I started to pick up the pieces of my life and contemplate returning to what I used to do, COVID showed up and kicked all those plans in the nuts.

You might know that I was a full time fiber artist before I wrote In Sleep You Know. It’s a very physical job that had me doing a lot of events and making yarn and fibers to sell every day. I loved it, and I was doing pretty well at it before everything went bust pun intended]… but I was feeling pretty burned out, too.

In part, that’s because I’d been sick for a while but I didn’t really understand that. Crohn’s presented a lot of symptoms that I excused as being “just a touchy digestive system” or “a picky gut.” I mean, you feel like that every day and you learn to adapt or convince yourself that you’re just being a big baby about it or whatever. Also, I hadn’t had much luck in getting doctors to take me seriously, so there was that. So I was tired and in pain a lot, and that made it difficult to do what I loved, and tough to love what I did.

I’d actually just started coming back to working with fiber and doing shows after the surgery when the lockdown happened. My last show was in March of 2020. I was so happy to be there but physically, I was miserable. I was wondering if I was ever going to be able to do a bigger event again.

I was ready for the pivot. I just didn’t know it yet.

I spent some time over that first Lockdown Summer doing online teaching and a creativity group. I love teaching but there’s a different skillset that you need to do it through video, especially for something hands-on like spinning yarn. I adapted, but I didn’t love it. And my medical treatment wasn’t doing enough, so I was tired all the time… and depressed. I could feel the depression looming. It had been building since the surgery, because so much changed, including me and my body.

One day, I was digging around in my files, and I pulled out an old story fragment that I’d written a while back. I re-read it, and my spark to spin tales reignited. Suddenly, I had motivation again, as the story of Merrick and Aisling and the Eleriannan started to blossom in my mind, and I began to write down the new story that came from that fragment.

At first it was just something to entertain myself. Escapism, maybe? A Baltimore with a secret Fae population was a lot more exciting than a city where no one could see each other face-to-face. But as the story grew and my love of writing came back to the forefront, I began to wonder… could I publish this? Could I become an actual “legitimate” author, and not just someone who used to get published in small press ‘zines?

I whispered the idea to a few friends, slipped one or two people an excerpt. I was enthusiastically encouraged to keep going. My confidence built, and then I decisively proclaimed one day, “I am writing a book! I will be publishing it soon!”

Pivot achieved.

Obviously, a LOT more happened after I made my great pronouncement. But the act of claiming it for my own, that was the important point.

It took more work on my part to start telling people that I am an author rather than a fiber artist. That has been my major identity for almost 20 years! I’m still a fiber artist, of course, just like I’m still a DJ even though I don’t spin music at clubs or on the air anymore. Those are part of my identity.

But these days, being a published, honest-to-goats author is my main identity, and it’s one I dreamed about since I learned to write. So in a way the pivot is me coming back to my earliest sense of self. A homecoming, if you will.

There’s so much power in that. Here I am, living my childhood dream.

I didn’t get here in the way I expected, but if it wasn’t for that Tower moment I might not have ever have found my guiding Star.

If I build it, will you come?

Writing

What I want, as a writer, isn’t for someone to tell me their One True Way to be successful at what I do, or the Best Way To Write A Novel, etc etc etc.

The world is FULL of people offering that. And I’m not knocking anyone who sells that, or who wants to consume it! You do you, boo. I can’t determine or decide what you best need in your journey as a writer.

What I’ve noticed, though, is that there are so many products and communities built around people who haven’t written their first book/story yet. The other one I see is centered on those who have something written but haven’t sold it yet. They’re both valid communities to serve, with lots of people who need that direction.

But that’s not me.

First, I don’t want to be “sold” anything.

If I choose to buy a class or a program, it’s because I found it on my own while looking for a solution. I don’t want to be marketed to, and I don’t want to have to pay a ton of money to people who often I can’t even find credentials for. I choose classes from established authors or editors that I know and respect. I am extremely picky because my money as a working author is hard earned and scarce!

What I really want is a community.

Photo by Mike Erskine on Unsplash

I want a community of like-minded people who are sharing their experiences honestly and candidly, so we all can learn from each other. I want people who are traveling a similar path and who are ready to cheer or console or advise each other as needed or wanted. I want us to support each other with our time and money as needed and as we can afford to, without any pressure or, goats forbid, marketing.

And I want it in a container that feels safe and welcoming and nurturing.

Is that too much to ask?

When I started posting on Ko-Fi about my own journey as a writer under the title A Writer’s Life and Craft, I made it a paid tier because a. I am poor and need money, and b. my experiences are worth something and it does take time and energy to write about them. I set the price as an affordable one because, well, see “a” – I understand that lots of us are poor. I want to reach people like me, who aren’t adverse to supporting folks who are sharing their hard-won experiences, but don’t have a lot of money to spare.

I even set up a Discord for my Ko-Fi, with separate spaces for readers and writers. I was hoping a community would build there, but it’s mostly a ghost town. I’m sure in part it’s because people who aren’t Ko-Fi supporters don’t know about it. I want a community to grow organically, just like support for what I do has done.

But with that being said, how do I carefully nurture and build what I want to see in the world? If I build it, will you come?

* I’m giggling over the lead photo, because I wanted a writing community shot with representation of many different people. What I got was a math study group. But this is an equation I can’t seem to balance, so I’m sticking with it. Also I like that pom-pom pen.
A two leaved plant grows from a stack of books. Text reads: growing a plot from a stem

Growing a Plot From a Stem

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A Third Kind of Madness In Sleep You Know On Creating Writing

So last night it started. What, you ask?

The dreams. Dreams about my current story, the characters interacting, the plot and where it’s headed.

When this happens, I know my brain is in full storytelling mode. And this is when the real magic starts to happen for me, because I’ll be thinking through scenes in my head in the shower, while grocery shopping, or eating dinner. It’s so exciting!

When I start writing, I have characters and a vague idea what the story’s about, and not too much else. I let the characters and mood develop and then the plot will reveal where it’s going. If it sounds like I’m kinda hands-off-the-wheel in this process, you’re right. I trust that there’s a plot there, and there always is.

This particular story grew from a stem I’d wrote down years ago. It took that long to get here, but I knew it would bloom when it was ready. Trust!

⬆️ I wrote that earlier today over on Mastodon, and I wanted to expand on it here, because there’s a lot to talk about!

Plots, pants… plants?

I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that in a world of writers that often divide into “plotter” and “pantser” camps, I’m definitely a “planster.” I can hear some of you asking, “What’s the difference?”

Planners are all about drawing up an outline and strongly defining their plot before they get started. They know where they’re headed, they’ve got the map at the ready, and generally the ride is smooth because of all the planning they did before they even started writing the actual tale. There’s a lot to be said for this method because of that.

Pantsers are the total opposite: they sit down and turn loose the ol’ brain on the paper or keyboard. They might have a general idea of where they want to go, or maybe they just metaphorically get in the car and drive around as their heart leads them. It’s basically discovering the story as you go, which is exhilarating but also can lead to frustration if it remains aimless for too long.

Plansters? [I’ve also seen it as plantser] They’re somewhere in the middle, and the degree to which they lean to one side or the other can vary wildly. It’s okay to claim one of the first two titles as your method and still use some techniques from the other, by the way. I think most writers do, again to varying degrees.

The way I create my stories works in this way:

I’m an extremely character-driven writer, so the main character[s] show up first, usually in an opening scene that sets the tone of the story to come. I do a lot of pre-writing in my head, playing out scenarios like I’m telling myself a story, before I ever commit the characters to the page in any way. This way I can see if there’s a viable story to be shared, or if it needs to be shelved for later.

That’s actually what happened with the current WIP, which I’ve been talking about under the acronym ATKOM for now. When it first appeared, the MC was a guy, and someone who had given up on any artistic abilities early on in childhood. Now the MC is non-binary, and a talented photographer. What stayed was the muse love interest and the MC’s extreme shyness and awkwardness. Oh, and the art collective with the unpleasant leader, Joolie. The story’s plot also has gone in a completely different direction than I originally imagined that it would, and I feel it’s much stronger for that.

So I come up with characters, or more properly – they show up, and I put them in a scene and see how they work and what happens. When it gels and feels exciting, I keep going. At this point, I generally have no idea where the story is going. I just let the scenes unroll naturally and explore from there.

Using In Sleep You Know as an example: I knew my opener was Merrick showing up uninvited to a party, which unbeknownst to him was being thrown by a house full of Fae. Classic, right? Lots of possibility in that scene.

I also knew Merrick was a musician, and kind of aimless and unmotivated but clever and resourceful enough when his back was to the wall. Every single thing else happened in the exploratory first chapter without a plan. Aisling showed up with her ability to walk in other people’s dreams, and Cullen, who started out as jaded and just tagging along for a good time but quickly warmed into a likeable guy.

From there, things changed rapidly. When I started writing, there was no Lucee or Sousa or The Maithe, and certainly no Gwyliannan of Tiennan House. Vali showed up all on her own and she and Sousa carved out their own subplot without any conscious input from me! Which really is something, as Vali is one of my favorite characters to date.

What happens next?

So here’s what usually happens after the characters establish themselves and the story starts to get some ideas of what it wants to be. [Yes, I’m anthropomorphizing my stories and characters, but in many ways they really do have lives of their own.]

About 20,000 to 30,000 words in, I sit down and think about character arcs and where I want the story to go. Usually at this point I already have a good idea of what I want, but no matter how I loosely plot out things I always leave room for sudden changes and swerves. These characters will do unexpected things, I tell you! For example, originally I thought Brenna would be the one to show Merrick how to shape a raven, but our small and gentle friend Quillan stepped up instead. He’s another character who I didn’t have plans for but he insisted on being more important than I would have guessed.

Photo by spencer vandermeer on Unsplash

Okay, so far I:

  • Imagine some characters
  • Put them in an opening scene with a vague idea of what I want to happen
  • Start writing, letting the characters do their thing
  • If it’s gelling, around 20,000-30,000 words sit down and make a loose outline and character arcs if I haven’t already*

My outlines are basically me sitting down and writing out beats – the important moments that drive the story along – making sure to include key interactions between characters that I want to see happen and why, as well as where plot points might converge or reveal important details. It sounds more complicated than it really is. I mean, here’s the fleshed out beats from the first couple of chapters of ISYK:

  • Merrick goes to House Mirabilis
  • Meets Aisling, she saves him from Edana, Cullen tags along
  • The Ladies go after Merrick, Morgance loses and has to offer name [no one is sure why they go after him so hard]
  • Merrick is introduced to Fallon and she says he is under their protection
  • He joins the party, meets Sheridan, drinks and eats
  • Fallon asks who will stand for him, Aisling, Cullen, and Sheridan say yes
  • Fallon tells him who they are [fae, Eleriannan] and asks him if he will join them for seven years. He says yes.]

Note that I wrote this part of the outline *after* I wrote those chapters. My outline for the last part of the book is a lot more vague:

  • construction of gates so that there can be free movement
  • why does Genaine claim no knowledge of gates
  • who will guard gates
  • what comes from Lucee’s pledge to Genaine [redacted]
  • Vali’s graffiti
  • [redacted]
  • Vali wards The Maithe, Grimshaw attacks in front, they grab [redacted]
  • Tell them that if they surrender The Maithe, [redacted] will not be harmed

So you can see, it’s more about what I know I need or want to cover, less about “this is how it’ll go” – there are even some things in that outline that I didn’t share here that never came to pass. I guess in some alternative timeline, maybe they did?

I’ll tell you the truth here – I didn’t even write this part of the outline until I was at what I knew to be the last third of the book. Right around there everything came to me in a rush, and I knew where the story was going, though the last couple of chapters still shocked the heck out of me. If you’ve read ISYK feel free to message me and ask what the surprises were!

So this is a pretty long post and I’ve got more to say, including tips for managing all the bits and pieces floating around waiting for that outline to corral them, so tune in for Part Two to learn about things like how a planster manages characters over a long arc that isn’t really planned out at all, and how character-driven plots work for me.

Until next time!

hands with pale skin on a laptop keyboard, typing. There are question marks in the air and the text The Big Why.

A Big Why for 2023

On Creating Personal Writing

I’ve been writing this post about writing stories with hope, and I was about a third of the way through when I stalled out. It isn’t that I don’t have a lot to say about writing hopeful stories, or why I think we need them. It’s just that something more personally important to me took over my brain and insisted that I write about it first. Okay, brain, you win.

I’ve been thinking about the Big Why, as in “Why do you do X thing?” aka “What’s your motivation?” It’s been on my mind for a while, actually, combined with thoughts about legacy and how much fame is enough. It’s all entwined together in my thoughts, so I’ve been pulling at the threads.

I’ll be 56 at the end of the year. Even though I don’t feel old, creeping time and a body dealing with chronic illness have really brought those thoughts to the forefront. A brush with death will really make you question what you’re doing with your life! In my case, I’ve been considering the path I’ve taken and what I want to achieve with it. It comes down to three big questions:

  • What have I done?
  • Where am I going?
  • What will I leave behind?

What I’ve done [so far]

I can’t be mad at the list of things I’ve done so far. It isn’t “distinguished” or “laudable” I suppose, but I managed to achieve so many things I always wanted to do.

I’ve got the ridiculous job list of: performer, musician, DJ [both club and radio], fiber artist, small business owner, writer, teacher of arts, professional cook, barista and coffee roaster, office manager, restaurant manager, occult bookstore/botánica manager, boutique manager, and for a short while… clown. Some of those jobs were things I’d dreamed about doing, like being a DJ and singing in a band.

If you’ve read my books you’ll see many of these jobs come up as things the supporting characters do for a living. Food service in particular is a forgiving occupation and perfect for those who might be considered outsiders. Bar/club jobs, too. They allow musicians, writers, and other creatives a way to make a living, because creative pursuits aren’t generally lucrative until you reach the big time, and sometimes not even then. Those jobs allowed me to pay bills and also look the way I wanted to look, with brightly dyed hair and piercings. These days it’s more accepted, but I had a lot of rejections back in the day thanks to my style alone. As that was something that brought me joy, I didn’t compromise, and found ways to make it work. Those values show up in my characters, too. They believe in who they are and how they want to be seen in the world.

Now I write full time, and I share the stories with the world that I’ve been creating since I knew what a story was. I am not a well-known writer, though I’m making strides in getting my name out there. There are a lot of other writers out there, and although I don’t look at any other creative as competition but rather as a colleague, it does make it a little harder to be seen and noticed. I know that it takes time and hard work to establish oneself. But I do worry that I’ll never get the readership that I’ve dreamed of having. It takes so much labor to get one’s books seen and picked up by anyone!

Where am I going?

Here’s part of what’s been kicking around my brain: what do I expect from this, from being an author? The concept of fame and what it gives – and its toll – have been something I’ve thought deeply about.* I am quite far from being famous right now, and maybe it’s presumptuous of me to even think about being well known in the SFF world, or any other world. I don’t want fame as much as knowing that there are enough people out there enjoying my work that I’ll know that I left at least the smallest ripple on the water. It’s an “I was here, dammit!” but also a “I felt this, and if you did too, I wrote things that will make you feel less alone – did you find them?”

I can’t control how my legacy is finalized. But I can keep doing the things that I do best, and I can keep trying to improve on them. I can continue to share my words and thoughts and encourage others who want to follow the same path that I’m on. I can pay attention to the world around me, especially the parts that are different from the ones I’ve experienced, and talk about them in my stories, and in social media. I can contribute money and time and words to the causes that I think need me.
It’s not any different than what I’m already doing, though.

What else? I can keep making connections. I can do my best to educate myself, both in honing my craft and how to connect better on behalf of my works. I can keep working to make myself a better person. I can keep building community by sharing what I’ve learned and by lifting other creatives up, especially those with less privilege than me. I can continue to be open, honest, and vulnerable about my struggles and triumphs. I can try to keep myself positively focused, even when things are a struggle.

In my dreams, I want to have written books that are widely read, the kind that somehow win prizes and acclaim and get my name in the conversations with other authors with the same kind of themes and goals. I’d like to sit on panels about kind stories and the power of hope in SFF and bringing magic into urban landscapes that aren’t all gentrified. I want to attend more conventions and other events [health willing, of course] and feel like I actually have a peer group and that I belong there. Some of these goals I can’t control, but there are enough here that I can actually put effort into manifesting. Let’s see what the future holds, shall we?

What will I leave behind?

That’s the big question, the one I can’t answer. Will I be forgotten? Will my stories disappear? Will my legacy be a moderately infamous small goth club night that happened during the late 90s/early 00s in Central VA, and some remnants of my personal musical taste that linger? Or will I be able to leave something more lasting and [hopefully] more impactful?

In some ways, I guess it’s none of my business. I won’t be here to take joy in what people say after I’m gone, so I’d better focus on what I do now.

I promise that I’ll always be open and honest with you, reader. Maybe [probably] oversharing at times, because I have a policy of showing the lows and the highs equally. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that it’s helped them, to see their struggles mirrored in what I share. Maybe that’s my legacy. I don’t know. Maybe a legacy really doesn’t matter if I help someone now.

* I wanted to share the new track from RM’s latest, Indigo, here. It’s called 들꽃놀이 [Wild Flower] and the lyrics are deeply personal and talk about fame and the toll it takes. I’ve probably cried over it a hundred times since it released a couple of days ago.

Even before the start, I imagined
An end where I could applaud and smile
That’s what I wishеd for
When everything I bеlieved in grew distant
When all this fame turned into shackles
Please take my desire away from me
No matter what it takes
Oh, let me be myself

들꽃놀이 Wild Flower, RM