Writing

17 posts

Write What You Know, They Say

Writing

“Write what you know,” they say, as if everything doesn’t affect everything else, as if the world isn’t inextricably entwined.

“Write what you know” can mean “concentrate on the subjects with which you’re most familiar” and that’s a decent jumping-off place as a new writer, but awfully limiting, don’t you think?

The job of being a writer can encompass a lot of things. For me, it’s about exploration. I create new worlds and see what they show me about this one. My characters come from all walks of life and many of them don’t look like me or share my personal history. They go through things that I never could, simply because our circumstances are so different, or they echo some of my own but they will move through them in their own way. Does that mean that I shouldn’t write them? Of course not.

Talk to people you know are different than you, that come from other backgrounds and experiences than yours. Look for media that features stories that are far apart from yours. Speak with experts, read their testimonies, and invest in hiring sensitivity readers when appropriate. Vet your writing through those who know best, because it’s their lives, and you’ll be able to keep your work feeling genuine and true.

However.

I’m “lucky” – I put it in quotes because many would not consider some of my life experiences lucky ones – that I’ve lived through a lot of different events, many of which were challenging and um, character building. [Pun intended, because jokes are what power me.] I draw from those extensively when I write, and I often joke about what part of me various characters carry with them. If you know me well, you probably already can point some of those connections out.

The characters and plots that often feel the most real are the ones that are connected to real experiences and the types of people you’ve known and understood. The more life you live, the easier it is to fill out a world in a way that other people can believe in, because you’re painting it in your experience.

Plunder Your Reality!

Dig into your history and excavate the people and scenes that resonate with you, trigger your emotions, and make it impossible to forget them. Use that to power your writing in a way that feels more than just believable.

Caveat: make sure that you use these things as inspiration only unless they are your stories to tell, and even then be careful.
Writing from real life examples is a tricky business, unless you obscure them. Let the people you’ve encountered and the things you’ve lived through be color, not something you rip whole cloth from your life and apply to the page. That’s for memoirs and tell-alls. Let people wonder where you get your inspiration from. Hold them close to your heart and don’t base anything completely on a real person or event you’ve lived through. Let them inform your creations, not be them.

I can show you some of my personal examples!

Vali and Sousa are both heavily inspired by real life people and their habits and personality.
Sousa’s picked up traits from a lot of different places. I’ve known too may drummers [and punk guys] who ripped the sleeves off of every shirt they own. His propensity to gather up people and take care of them in a big house [after being dissuaded from shutting himself away from the world] is inspired in part by a guy I knew who did much the same. Big Scene Dad energy, although Sousa would hate being called that.
Vali? I often joke about Vali being a lot like me, but she’s much more principled and driven than I am. When I write about her time being homeless, that’s coming from my experiences, though: some directly, some observed. Her combo of recklessness and luck as a graffiti artist is based on how I used to move in the streets of Baltimore and somehow never got in trouble. The way she takes care of people, too; that’s based on my values and experience, as well as her unshakeable belief in the power of hope.
She’s a lot cooler than me, though.

I’ve talked before about how being in a band helped me write the scenes with The Drawback, and spending a lot of time in clubs shaped those scenes too. Mingling with the art crowd at MICA and with outsider artists gave me some of the background for The Ants and their house, the Compound. I can tell you some crrrraaaazy stories from art student parties I attended. And of course the way that Emmaline feels when she’s at the corporate coffee shop, perpetually an outsider because of her illness, watching the world go by from her table–I’ve had several people with chronic illnesses mention how much they relate to her and that scene, how they could see themselves in it.

All the details matter, and I believe the ones that are drawn from your reality are the ones that will resonate the strongest with the reader. Don’t hesitate to plunder your reality for that treasure of experience! Thread it through the parts you’re creating from scratch and it will lend an air of believability that can win over readers and help them get lost in the story.

Xiane’s Blog [112924] all those winter words

XianeBlog
…I want us to forget them [Wild Flowers, All About Eve]

I drink the tea that I let go lukewarm while I think about winter, and holidays, and the progression of time. It’s still early in the day for me, 10am–but I get up later than a lot of people do. I’m already dressed, but not quite ready to leave. Today Mom and I will go to the Festival of Trees, a holiday charity event for Kennedy Krieger that we attend every year, braving Black Friday traffic and poor drivers to get there and look at a display of themed Christmas trees and wreaths while we fight against crowds.

I hate being trapped in the throngs of people but I love the spectacle and the magical feeling of the event, so I put on my mask and deal with it, even though I know we’ll probably be the only masked people there and that I’ll be utterly exhausted afterwards. The holiday season is filled with complex feelings like this; I celebrate Yule and [secular] Christmas, which often feel at odds because of [religious] Christmas. Both Christopher and I have birthdays that are crammed into the holiday weeks. His comes before and mine is stuck in the weird limbo between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Winter holidays are always a bag of mixed feelings because of this. I get a year older, the world gets a year older; time marches on and has its way with us and while I’m glad we’re both here, I think we’re both feeling the weight of our age.

So the holidays have always been magical and joyful, but underpinned with a melancholy that’s haunted my life. No matter how happy I am, there’s always that existential dread under the surface, and I’m grateful for every twinkling light and jingle bell that helps distract me from it. This year the dread is louder than ever, because of *gestures widely at everything* –and I have no idea how to fight against it other than to lean into the magic and found moments of joy and being as kind as possible to everyone who doesn’t want people like me or those I care about to die or disappear. I’m especially focusing on those who are in positions of less power and luck than I am. They get all my kindness and whatever assistance I can offer.

That’s the best way I know to beat the winter doldrums and fight against the rising tyranny. I don’t care about stuff. I want kindness and justice and actually, yes, the downfall of this late-stage capitalism driven hellscape that the US has slid into. I can’t do much to put my boots to the ground in this fight, but I can contribute the skills I have. That includes my words, because words are powerful. It includes my resistance to being ground down by the ones who profit from it.

Fuck that, I’ll live and be joyful out of spite if I have to, if it burns their buns to see me out here disabled and queer and living my best life despite whatever dystopia they want to throw at us. Radical fuckin’ joy, my friends. I’m going to weaponize it if I have to. Let’s thrive despite all their attempts to crush the spirit out of us.

.

A little note: I have a long history with this song, and actually used to do an a capella version of it occasionally back in the days of The Violet Dawning. It means a lot to me.
text reads: it's okay to be mediocre [no, really]

It’s Okay to be Mediocre [no really!]

Writing

The rule, sometimes unspoken but all too often loud and clear, is that we’re supposed to be pushing towards excellence constantly. We are expected to strive for perfection, even though that’s not practical or even achievable; no one, no matter how good, is perfect. That’s even more true in the creative process, and the stress of trying to rise head and shoulders above the rest can be destructive to the creative process. We NEED our time of mediocrity as creatives in order to grow at our art. [I’ll come back to this in a moment.] And honestly?

I’d rather have a flawed but honest and real attempt at art than one that tries too hard to be immaculate.

Very few people will reach the sublime heights of near-flawlessness. The bulk of the world is made up of efforts that range from excellent to poor, with a median that could be considered mediocre. The “sufficient but not in any way remarkable” efforts are what surround us in everyday life, and they’re FINE. They do the heavy lifting in the world, making up the bulk of what we rely on but barely notice, precisely because they’re unremarkable. The design of the local grocery store? Mediocre but serviceable. No one’s expecting excellence in grocery store architecture! 

Maybe that rankles you as a creative. “I want to be known for my beautiful turns of phrase/use of color and texture/compelling singing voice/etc!” I absolutely get that, and I am the same way about *some* of my creative output.

But not all of it.

Some things are never going to be fully in your grasp. That’s okay. You can be mediocre at them! You can just be average and still share them with other people, even! I’m an average singer, with a big voice but not necessarily the most amazing one. Didn’t stop me from fronting bands and having fans! I used my vocal flaws to my advantage alongside my enthusiasm, and won people over. I also improved the longer I practiced and performed, which is something that helped to raise my level quite a bit. I worked on it because I enjoyed it, not because I felt pushed to be the Best Vocalist in Goth or something. It was work of the creative soul, not an obligation.

I needed that time of mediocrity in order to grow.

I had to embrace the idea that I could perform even when I wasn’t at a level that was perfect and just do it so that I could improve my abilities.

That’s the same for writing. Lots of writers will tell you this: we think our later books are infinitely better than our earlier ones. That’s simply a function of improving as we practice. Releasing books earlier in our careers, before we’ve gained the knowledge and skill we have later on, is part of that practice. As a writer, I’ve gained as much by putting work out as a newbie as I have writing those later works. 

You have to be willing to put yourself out there, in all your imperfect glory. That’s where the growth happens. And it will happen in full view of your audience, which is also part of the learning and growth process. 

You may never move from mediocre in some of your creative outlets. That’s also okay. You can’t be great at everything! It doesn’t negate the importance of exploring those paths. All creative outlets give us lessons that apply universally. 

Just do it, and don’t worry too much about perfection.

Be exquisitely human, be ready to make mistakes, embrace the perfectly flawed nature of who we are as creative creatures who are always still learning. 

This was originally posted for my supporters over at Ko-fi. If you’d like to read more posts like this or support my work, please take a look at https://ko-fi.com/threeravenspress

Text that says "time to revise" on the background of a camera lens reflecting colorful lights

First Draft DONE! Hello, Revisions.

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A Third Kind of Madness Events Novel Updates

122,939 words over eight months of writing.

I can now happily announce the the first draft of A Third Kind of Madness is finished! *throws confetti*

If you’re unfamiliar with the writing process, you may not know what this means. Next up comes revision, including several rounds of editing from me. I’ll make as many passes over the manuscript as I feel is necessary in order to make the tightest version I can craft on my own.

Somewhere in that process, I’ll get a few trusted beta readers to look it over and give me feedback. Does everything flow well? Does it make sense? Any questions or concerns about plot, characters, details? I’ve already had my #1 alpha reader reading through as I’ve written the chapters; he’s pretty good about catching egregious errors or letting me know if something got lost, but I’ll want fresher eyes for the revision process.

Once I get through that, it’ll go off to a professional editor, who will watch for spelling, syntax, and grammar issues. They’ll also keep an eye on my style and pacing. Basically, they’ll help me polish up my story so that it’s fine tuned. It’s definitely one of the most important parts of the process!

Once the editor and I have gone back and forth about changes and I’ve implemented all the ones I want to keep – which is usually most of them – then I do another pass, looking for anything I might have missed. If you’re thinking “wow, you’ve read this story a lot of times by now,” you’d be right. And I’ll read it many more times, or at least scan it, as it moves through the steps of layout and design, then when I get the proofs.

…good thing I really like the stories that I write!

A few fun stats.

a chart with tallies by month of my progress on A Third Kind of Madness.
Word count by months for ATKOM: columns are month, days that I wrote in that month, words by month, average words per day.

You might note that the total doesn’t quite match the end word count. That’s because I had actually started writing this story in a different form a while ago, then abandoned it to work on Cast a Shadow of Doubt. I revisited what I’d written after I finished CASOD and gave it a complete overhaul, with changes to some of the concepts and characters. It’s vastly different from where it began!

I don’t write every day. That shows in my daily averages, and that’s okay. I’ve talked before about how even when I’m not physically typing in my manuscript, I’m always writing. A lot of that is mental or supportive work: thinking through scenes, doing research, even doing things like making mood boards or character sketches. I also do things like write blog posts and content for my Ko-ki supporters, and post/interact on social media. Oh, and do live readings and interviews.

Speaking of – my interview at Sue L. Bavey’s Sue’s Musings went up this week! I talk about why I decided to self publish, the genres and media that I enjoy, my advice for aspiring writers and more. You can read it here: https://suelbavey.wordpress.com/2023/07/13/indie-spotlight-christiane-knight/

On July 22nd I’ll be a guest on Melinda Kucsera‘s Fantasy, Lore, & More podcast. She’s one of the 300 authors in SPFBO and decided to take some time to interview other entrants in the contest, like me! In the meantime, you can enjoy the 24 other interviews she’s conducted so far – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrxjkyxsLI1YL8-K_qvcew7YqirEssHd- is the link! I’ll make sure to post the interview directly when it’s up, as well. I’m looking forward to this a lot!

That’s all the big news I’ve got for now. As of today I’m still a viable contestant in SPFBO, so keep your fingers crossed for me. There are SO MANY great books that In Sleep You Know is up against, which honestly is excellent…except for my TBR pile, which is growing exponentially.

What a terrible problem to have!

Sculpture of tall poles that taper at the top like hair against blue sky and pink clouds. Text says "reach for the sky"

2023: Reach For The Sky

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Goals On Creating Personal

First and foremost, Happy New Year to you, my readers and supporters – without you, I’d just be yelling into the void and listening to these voices in my head instead of writing their stories down to share! You are the reason for everything and I hope your year to come is filled with everything good and fulfilling. 💜

Even before this time of the year – the annual musing on endings/beginnings days – got here, I’ve been thinking about what I want to change about how I’m living. It’s reflected in my Word of the Year, which is Embrace. I’ve been living a life with many restrictions since before the pandemic started, when I had my first emergency surgery and subsequently had my diagnosis of Crohn’s Disease. Basically, I was out of commission from the end of August 2019, then when started to get healed to the point where I was able to live a life again, everything went into lockdown. Surprise! Then my health began to spiral downwards again, so I wasn’t interested in doing much anyway.

Ironically, during this time I did write and publish two books, the first ones in the Eleriannan series. So despite being restricted, I continued to create and grow. However, 2022 has been the most challenging for me since the end of 2019. I was sick and miserable, unable to do much or feel safe in leaving the house for anything but short errands. In fact, the last time I did anything fun or challenging was when I was a vendor at the Baltimore Faerie Faire back in April. That was a blast, and I’m so glad I did it, because not long after my body went into a Crohn’s flare and there I stayed until my eventual surgery in September. Then there was the second surgery in November, and a recovery that’s felt like an uphill climb.

Finally, finally, I feel like myself again. Well, mostly? It’ll take time to regain stamina and strength, but I’m feeling re-energized and more alive than I have in ages. That bodes well for you as a reader, because I’m back to writing daily, making steady progress on Stories of the Eleriannan #3, which I’ll be talking about more in coming days! My writing schedule has been kinder and more in sync with my current abilities and energy levels.

Image of Min Yoongi aka SUGA of BTS dressed in white in front of a grey wall. Text/caption reads "I think I'm also gonna try something really big this year"
I’m following your lead, Yoongi.

Back in August, I wrote a list of Reach For the Sky Big Achievements that I want to happen in my writing career. These are goals that the parts of my mind that are rational and nay-saying look at and just bust a gut laughing at my audacity. But you know what? I’m a huge believer that if you don’t put it out there, it won’t happen.
I think I’ve written about these goals somewhere in public before, but again, it hurts nothing to put them out there again. I mean, I’m sure some people will read this and also laugh at my audacity. It’s cool, go ahead! It is audacious, and that’s the point. If you don’t dream about a seemingly unreachable future, how can you even get halfway there?

So in no particular order, here is my List of Future Achievements:

  • published short stories that I’m paid for
  • several bestsellers [by some unidentified metric]
  • to be a panelist at cons [ult goals are Balticon, Nebula Conference, World Fantasy Con, Worldcon]
  • to be a Guest of Honor at any of the above
  • to win a Nebula and/or Hugo
  • to run a writer’s class and be paid fairly for it
  • to get 50+ positive ratings on each of my books
  • to have created a body of work

Reminder: I said these were reach for the sky. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t out of reach. The important thing, in my opinion, is to create goals that are HUGE and RIDICULOUS. Aim for things that seem impossible, then structure your plans so that every step in that direction brings growth. Even if you never make the big goals, you’ll have an amazing outcome.

And let me say this, because it’s important: this is what works for me. You don’t have to have goals like these, or goals at all! I am a very goal-driven person and I use manifestation energy to great success, but I know not everyone works like that. For every method there’s a bunch of people who do it differently, and it’s important to use what works for you.

So how do I plan to work toward these goals? I’ll be sharing my steps with lots of personal detail and insight over on my Ko-fi, in the Writer’s Life and Craft tier. Successes and failures included! I hope you’ll join me over there. Even the free tier often gets updates that I don’t post over here!

Do you have any “Impossible” goals? I’d love it if you’d share in the comments!

NaNoWriMo Check-In on Day Eight

NaNoWriMo Writing

I like being honest with my readers, so here it is:

Dear Readers, NaNo is a real struggle this year.

It’s not that I don’t have the words or plot. When I can focus on writing, everything has been flowing just fine. I’m actually excited about the current plot twist! There are new and unexpected characters appearing! Something just showed up in the story that everyone is going to want for themselves! I’ve even been dreaming about the story again, which means my brain in fully invested in this tale.

It’s the body that betrays me, as usual. And it’s okay. I expected it would be a struggle, you know. I’m recovering from a major surgery for a disease that is notorious for being difficult even at the best of times. Crohn’s loves anxiety and changes in routine, and flares are well-known for happening before big, exciting events. I’m not flaring, thankfully, but I’m still healing and readjusting from a surgery that changed my internal routine – as well as leaving me with a difficult-to-heal wound – so I have wisely kept my expectations low.

And that’s what I’m writing about today for you, actually! I want to remind you that you should be kind to yourself, even if you have set goals and you’re struggling to meet them. I love goals, I’m very goal driven when it comes to success. But goals are a guide when it comes to things like writing. Be realistic with yourself, and keep in mind that NaNoWriMo isn’t a deadline. And this advice carries over to any creative pursuit, okay? Creativity often struggles when deadlines are involved. Don’t be so strict with yourself that you make something that should bring you joy and fulfillment into a chore, a “must-do.” That’s not conducive to success or a happy outcome.

For me, the point of NaNoWriMo is to gently challenge myself, not force myself into doing something I love.

I’ve written almost every day this month, with the exception of a couple of days where I was too ill. That’s a WIN for me! I haven’t written anything since before my operation in September! That’s a healthy goal, and a reasonable outlook.

If your creative goals make you unhappy, please take a second to look at them and think about what a more healthy goal would look like for you.

You might find that you’ll be more successful than you ever expected!

These people? Oh, they’re all me.

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Characters On Creating

People tell you to write what you know. It’s one of the most common pieces of advice to aspiring writers.

And it works: when you put down words that are based in your lived experience, they ring true. They are solid, trustworthy, something understandable by most readers. It’s why autobiographical books from famous people often do well. Readers want to feel what it was like to live that life, be involved in those moments, understand the parts of the story that weren’t shared with the general public at the time. Maybe it’s a voyeuristic compulsion, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just curiosity.

As a writer who skews towards fiction — fantasy fiction, at that — it’s on me to create characters that are interesting, realistic, and relatable. I also have to build plots that are compelling and full of depth and good storytelling, and that includes plotlines and devices that readers can get behind and believe in, even in that fantasy world.

That’s where my experiences, quirks, obsessions, and history come into play. As a writer, I take bits and pieces of what I’ve lived and observed, who I am and have been, and people I’ve known or encountered, and I turn all of that into parts of my stories. I’ve had friends ask me things like “So… Sousa. He’s based on ______, right?” or “Club Marcada is totally _____! I recognized it right away!” I’ve had other people tell me that different characters or scenes remind them of people or places that I don’t know, but they feel familiar and comfortable to them.

What’s funny about that, and also awesome? That readers can see bits of their lives in these books, in these stories that came wholly out of my head. And yet the people and places are all also influenced by people and places that I’ve known and experienced, as well as bits from me directly. It feely surprisingly universal in some aspects.

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

Because people ask, I’ll tell you a few “secrets” about the characters and some details in my books that come directly from me or my life.
I write about music and musicians convincingly because I am a musician and DJ. I spent time performing as well as running a club night with live music, so all the details are quite familiar to me.
Lucee’s impostor syndrome is 100% reflective of my own. The frustration that Cullen feels watching Lucee struggle with this is also drawn directly from my own experience.
Club Marcada is based on a real club that I used to patronize and DJ in as well. Some details have been changed but the feel is 100% accurate and represents my love for tiny bars/clubs that are keeping the independent music scene alive.
Descriptions of Emmaline’s illness come from my own experiences, especially the crushing fatigue she deals with.
Sousa’s and Sheridan’s characters both have some aspects from people I have known, and yes they were that funny and drunkenly ridiculous at times. The parties at House Mirabilis are also based on real parties I’ve attended. Yes, Fae weirdness included.

Most importantly, though — all the characters, every single one, has bits of me in them. Vali’s undying optimism, Merrick’s adaptability, Morgance’s fierceness, Cullen’s vulnerableness… I even gave part of me to Camlin, though I’m not giving that away here either. You’ll have to find me at event and ask me about that, I guess!

So yes, write what you know. Don’t be afraid to put you and your knowledge all throughout your stories. People will feel it, and will connect with it. I promise.

Photo by Masaaki Komori on Unsplash

It Shall Pass 지나가

Personal Writing

There’s a lot about my personal life that I haven’t shared on this platform before, but I think it might be time to change that. I’m sorry, this is probably going to be long.

I’m not difficult to know, not at all. If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter you’ll see that my self-claimed title of “exuberant oversharer” is well-deserved. I don’t steer away from uncomfortable subjects, especially when it comes to myself. I’m a firm believer in normalizing difficult or awkward topics, so I am open and honest. That’s a tricky path to walk as a semi-public figure, let me tell you.

One thing I’ve been increasingly forthright about is my health and specifically, what it’s like for me to live with Crohn’s Disease. I specify “for me” because everyone’s experience varies, of course. I’ve mentioned that some of the events I’d planned to attend fell through for me, and I think I’ve also talked about how writing the current WIP has slowed down because of my Crohn’s as well. The truth is that I’ve been miserably sick, which I hate to admit because I despise feeling weak or unable to do the things I love. But it’s the truth, and I think it’s important to acknowledge it.

Forgive me if I tell you things that you already know here, but for those who don’t know about Crohn’s, here’s a rundown of what it’s about. It ain’t sexy by a long shot, but this is something that needs to be normalized talking about as well!

Crohn’s Disease is a type of Inflammatory Bowel Disease. What that means is that my immune system thinks that parts of my digestive tract are Bad Guys and goes after them like misguided little superheroes. That has led to a lifetime of undiagnosed pain and issues which finally got a name when it all unexpectedly went to hell about three years ago.

I had a sudden trip to the ER, a surprise surgery to put my busted guts back together, and a long recovery that included 11 days total in the hospital and an extended, unpleasant infection that I learned to take care of myself. GOOD TIMES, right?

It took about a year to get an official diagnosis and some treatment. That’s pretty normal, and terribly frustrating for the person waiting on that diagnosis. Medications for Crohn’s are in a couple of different classes, and approach treating the disease through different paths. I went on a two-medication approach that included a biologic. For a while, that made things better — not resolved, I didn’t go into remission — but it was tolerable, mostly.

Then I failed out of the meds I was using. What that means is that they were obviously not doing the job anymore, and my doctor and I could see that things were getting worse.

I should mention that these drugs are SO GODDAMN EXPENSIVE. If I didn’t have the coverage that I have [thanks Obama] I would be paying thousands of dollars for *each* treatment. The drug I’ve recently been moved to has an average retail price, without insurance/coupons/etc, of $4600 a dose. Why so much? There’s no generic for this one as of now. Guess who didn’t like that at all? My insurance. I had come off the previous prescriptions in order to get my body ready for the new meds, and then my insurance started dragging their feet. That went on for months, which allowed my Crohn’s to ramp back up in that unmedicated gap. I have an entire rant about insurance and pharmaceutical companies having so much power, but I’ll save that for another time.

The State of Me right now is that I started the new meds, and then about a week before my first self-administered shot, I started feeling weird. I quickly determined that I had a flare coming on, and it was going to be a doozy. A flare for me means lots of lower quadrant bowel pain – right around where I originally had my resection – fatigue, and uncomfortable bathroom issues. This time I also was having chills, and then an inability to eat much. I started dropping weight rapidly, and I was frantic trying to find things to consume that would keep me going and staying functional.

“Everyday I pray

내가 좀 더 나은 어른이 될 수 있게

that I can be a little better grownup

And everyday I stay

사람도 아픔도 언젠가는 죽기에

Because all humans and all the pains eventually die

무뎌지려면 바람을 맞아야 하잖아

We have to face the wind to become numb

꿈 속에서는 영원할 수가 없잖아

Nothing can last forever in the dream

힘내란 뿌연 말 대신

Instead of those vague words to cheer me up, 

다 그렇다는 거짓말 대신

instead of those lies that this is how it is supposed to be,

그저 이 모든 바람 바람처럼 지나가길 I pray

I pray that it shall pass just like all these winds”

– RM/Kim Namjoon, “지나가 Everythinggoes”

What happened after that was a CT scan and then a five day hospital stay to get rid of and infection in that area. And now I have a plan to have a second resection, this time to hopefully eliminate the stricture and possible fistula that formed after surgery #1.

Most people who have Crohn’s and have a resection surgery will end up with another. In my case, it was an emergency resection thanks to a catastrophic situation, and that made everything more complicated. I’m honestly lucky to be alive.

All that said, it still is extremely frustrating to be hampered by my illness. I wrote ISYK and CASOD while I was in a good period of health, and they went pretty quickly. The current manuscript is in a holding pattern right now because I barely have enough energy and brains to get through a day while sitting on my couch and staring at the computer, much less trying to focus on a plotline and put the words to the screen. It’s also extremely depressing to be in this state, which does nothing for my creativity. But as Kim Namjoon sings, 지나가. It shall pass.

I’ll have my creativity back, and my energy. I’m a determined and focused person, I know I can do this. Hell, I can’t write a book right now, but I’m learning Korean! I can’t walk for extended distances, but I can freestyle in one spot in my kitchen. [No, I won’t post videos of that!] And I can try to keep in contact with all of you and let you know what happens in my life.

Everything, everything, everything goes.

ps – this is a song that’s given me immeasurable amounts of strength during the past days, so I wanted to share it with you.

Translation thanks to Doolset
spray painted slogan "trust your struggle" against black brick wall

Trusting The Struggle

On Creating Writing

When the writing fights back…

It’s not writer’s block that gets me. I always have words and stories! It’s when a particular story takes a hiatus unexpectedly that I find myself struggling.

What do I mean by “hiatus” you might ask? Well, let me tell you about what’s been happening lately and share some tips with you while I’m at it, in case this happens to you.

For me, stories come on their own time.

Some writers can push through blocks or pauses in the writing process. I am not one of them, and I don’t think that’s a healthy approach for me anyway. A pause is when the story stops rolling out of my brain and through my fingertips onto the screen for a short period. It isn’t the same as a block–where nothing will come and it feels like a scramble to find any words at all–it’s more like needing to hit the pause button on a video while I take a bio or snack break. Except in this case I’m not the one hitting the pause button, it’s the story itself.

It’s like the story needs to gather itself together before we can go on telling it.

When the story is ready again, the words will start to flow as if nothing ever happened. It’s pretty magical, honestly. I’ve talked before about how my characters come to me already fully realized and with their own personalities and agendas. I don’t have control over them, I swear. They bust in and do what they want! The stories themselves are much the same way. I control how the words come out, and I have plot ideas and places I want the characters to go. But once things start, I often feel like I’m along for the ride while the story spills out with no regard to what I planned on or wanted.

[Yes, realistically I know that I’m responsible for the whole shebang. I’m not channeling some great Spirit of Storytelling or something. Or am I?]

Photo by Issara Willenskomer on Unsplash

So what to do when this happens?

The truth of it for me is that I can’t force the writing. That just pisses me off because nothing comes out right. I’ll just end up ditching all of it. But I can work on other things in the meantime. What that means is that my brain is still engaging with my creative centers, and I can let the other story sit in the background and marinate in possibility until it’s ready to re-engage with me.

What that means is that I’ve had TWO stories I’ve been working on. The secondary one is just for me right now; I may or may not release it to the public at some point. I’m just writing it for the sheer joy of interacting with the characters and the plot. That’s what I mean when I say I’m not blocked, by the way. I have no end of tales to tell and words to string together.

Other ways I handle a pause in a story flow:

  • immerse myself in another different creative activity
  • do something physical like dancing or walking
  • work on social media and blog posts
  • go on an Artist’s Date *
  • take a break and pamper myself for a few days

In my current case, the break has been for an extended time, so I’ve indulged in several of these tactics!

The biggest piece of advice I can offer is try not to panic. I know that it can feel scary and overwhelming to have your writing just shut off like that, but trust the struggle and your skills and know that this is a learning process as a writer. Stories can have their own schedule and not everyone can force themselves through a lapse in writing. It’s okay. You’ll get to the other side.

I linked to it above, but I can’t recommend The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron * enough for times like this. She’ll give you even better tools and advice than I just did!

Psst – did you notice that the working title for the WIP is A Third Kind of Madness? You can follow my progress by watching my updates bar in the sidebar of the main blog page! ➡️

*Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you.
a small ghost pipe plant, centered in frame, with the text "some fragile woodland species" overlaid at the top

Some Fragile Woodland Species

On Creating Writing

It’s one of my well-known quantities as both a writer and a human that I’m extremely transparent and unafraid to share my struggles and joys. Yesterday, that showed up in a small piece of writing that I shared on my Facebook personal page.

After I posted it, and I re-read it a few times as I responded to comments, I decided that I really liked it. It does a good job of describing how I see myself, and how I’m often conflicted by opposing desires: to soar, and to go to ground. 

There are people who revel in ordinariness, in walking in step with the crowd, in fitting in perfectly - or at least trying their best to do so. They take comfort in it, and stepping outside of their concept of what's normal would make them very uncomfortable. 
They actively flourish in that role, and it is home for them. 

There are others who seem destined to stand out, to innovate or ground-break, to inspire. They feel confined when held to an ordinary life, however that is defined by them. They dream of leaving a mark, a legacy, a story that can never be forgotten. 

And then there are people like me.

I want to fly a little closer to the sky, but not so high that my hubris sends me crashing to the ground. I want to leave something of importance, but it doesn't have to be grandiose and life-changing for millions. 
I'm not meant to be a superstar - I'm not that kind of smart or clever, I'm not the kind of beauty that sends men to war over me [thank goodness for that], and I don't have power or money that I could use to change the world. 
But... I don't know how to move through the ordinary world, either. I wish sometimes that I did, that I could be content there, but it doesn't work well for me. 
I'm like some fragile woodland species, the kind that you find when you move the leaves around on the forest floor. Not showy, but still interesting. The ecosystem won't collapse if you take me home, but you probably still shouldn't uproot me. 
I know, the metaphor's getting weird. That's also appropriate.

Anyway, none of those roles are inherently better or worse than the other. I just have always wanted more, but I don't seem very adept at succeeding in creating my own level between these others. I keep doing my own thing, hoping that at some point a curious hiker will wander from the path and lift the undergrowth to discover that I've been hiding under the leaves all along.

Becoming an author is an exercise in hope.

You write the words, and craft the story, trusting that it will be good enough to share with the world. You have to believe so strongly that your writing is Good Enough, Relevant Enough, Meaningful Enough. You give your time and energy and sleep and dreams to this work. Oh, and don’t forget your money, so much money is needed to create the book, and get it in front of potential readers. Editing, layout, cover art, advertising, and all the other little details.

It’s a wonder that any books get written at all.

The hope keeps us going. We write–late at night, at lunch, early in the morning–piling words and imagery like a treasure hoard. We scour websites for tips on how to market ourselves better, and send pitches with our fingers crossed. And we read the books that made it, from our colleagues and contemporaries and classic authors, and let their words and worlds inspire us. We look at their success and think, “Maybe one day, it’ll be me.”

And we never stop writing. We can’t. The words never stop coming.

We live on hope.