advice

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Text that reads "Trials & Success & Saving Each Other" in pink text over a pink and yellow image of a hand coming from the water waving for help

Trials and Success and Saving Each Other

Essays On Creating

So last night, I had a bit of a breakdown.

To be honest, it’s been coming. The weight of so many things have been pushing down on me [on many of us, probably everyone reading this] and my brain went through a cycle of Bad and/or Difficult Thoughts, in rapid succession:

  • I started publishing my writing later in life, and I feel time ticking away
  • The world’s got bigger things on its mind than what I’m doing, and the country I live in is slipping headfirst into totalitarianism 
  • My body has been showing signs of my disease getting more active and I’m afraid that I’ll lose everything I’ve gained, which was nothing like what I had before I crashed initially, but still better than when I was at my worst
  • Trying to find the people who will love my work is like shouting into the void; I know they’re out there but getting their attention amidst all this is easily one of the toughest things I’ve ever done
  • Does anyone even care about my stories?
  • Does any of this matter?

It’s difficult to keep a positive outlook, facing all of that. ¹

Ironically, I’m known for being upbeat and for encouraging new writers. 

But see, that’s the trick. I can do that, with my whole chest, because I’ve been through these times of dark despondency. When I show up with encouragement and advice, it’s because it came hard-won. I can honestly tell aspiring authors:

“Yes, times will be bad and you will doubt everything, including your place in the world and why you should bother trying to get your words out there. But times change constantly. You just have to keep going. You have to trust that your calling is true and remember that staying focused on your goals will guide you through the darkest parts of life.”

I can say that with my whole chest because it’s true for me. 

What defines success? Who tells you what it looks like?

You do.

Success for me looks like getting up every day and putting my thoughts to paper or a screen, analyzing them and looking for what’s true or beautiful or poignant and sharing that when it feels right. Yes, even when the world is falling apart, because sometimes—a lot of the time—this is all I can control.

Success looks like watching my slow but steady progress in my author career, as more people recognize my name and know what I talk about, even if they haven’t read one of my books. 

Success is knowing that people trust what I’ll tell them about life, or building a writing career—or anything really—is based on honesty, life experience, and a deep desire to be helpful and supportive. I always stress that I’m sharing my lived experiences and that theirs might be different, especially when weighing privilege and inequalities as part of the picture, but that being open and ready to lend a hand have gotten me quite far.

Success isn’t linear.

I’m Christiane Knight, and I write hopeful stories, even though I’m not always filled with hope. I write about versions of our world where magic is possible but what ultimately solves the problems and gets the characters through the dark times is the characters saving each other through love, and trust, and community. On the surface it might look like the magic did the job, but that’s not the truth of it.

They save each other.

We have to save each other, too.

Success is putting those thoughts into the world over and over, through stories and comments and posts like these, and trusting that my words will create ripples of hope and change, even if that’s on the smallest of scales. 

That’s how I measure success.  

Success doesn’t mean that the problems and dark times go fully away, either. Those will persist and return in different forms, because there will always be struggle.

“Wherever there’s hope there’s a trial.” – Haruki Murakami [also see: Sea, by BTS]

But the trials do make success, however you measure it, that much sweeter. 

And if I can help even one person with my words and actions, especially in these dark times, that’s the most meaningful success of all.

¹ Because this is the Internet, where nuance goes to die, please do know that I am also terrified for people who are being disappeared or unjustly held in hellhole cells for the temerity to live here or crossing the border legally; angry for the people who are being deported or losing their jobs over political stances that are in opposition to this current regime; feeling helpless and furious that once again Black and brown people and LGBTQIA2S+ folks are in danger [not that it ever stops], women are fighting aggressive patriarchy, and the poor and disabled are once again on the brink of being left to die. I was trying to keep it short and sweet but then thought I’d better say this explicitly, because there’s always someone online who doesn’t know you but is desperate to have a gotcha moment.
² There is no second note, other than to say that if you let them keep you from creating, then they win. Fuck that, my friends. Let’s create out of love, and out of spite if we have to.

Advice, Criticism, and Knowing Who You Are

On Creating Uncategorized

Receiving advice and criticism isn’t easy. I like to say you need a Teflon-coated ego if you’re going to put yourself out there in any creative field. And if you’re a sensitive soul [like me, I fully admit it] that can be difficult to achieve. How do you get there?

“Knowing Who You Are” is the key to everything: that’s how I interpret and take in the advice and criticisms given to me in a way that doesn’t break me, and that allows me to actually glean the important, useful parts.

Being able to gracefully take advice and criticism is one of the most important skills that any creative person can possess. As someone who finds herself in creative roles that have thrust me into the public eye over and over, being able to roll with the punches when it comes to how people receive my work has always been a battle, but one worth waging. You just can’t get up in front of people, on *any* platform, and put yourself out there without expecting razzes with the praise. It’s what some people just do. In fact, I recommend preparing yourself for the possibility that the jeers will outweigh the good words! I firmly believe in the idea that it’s easier to be prepared for disappointment with the hope to be pleasantly surprised, than the opposite. Not everyone is going to like or appreciate your work. That doesn’t mean your work is bad!

The trick is to be able to separate valid criticisms from a general “this is not my jam” reaction. Same goes for advice, especially advice that goes against your instincts or raises a pushback reaction. That’s when it’s important to sit with those words for a while, and really take some time to reflect on why they are triggering that response in you.

Photo by Vadim Fomenok on Unsplash

I’m going to use myself as an example here, because that’s how I roll, and I have no problem sharing my vulnerability and ego weak points. [please do laugh here!]

I threw a piece of writing out there recently to get some editing advice. I read the suggestions returned to me and my heart sank. The editor I was most interested in took my writing and ripped it apart.

Except… they really didn’t. They ripped into it, sure – but not to destroy it, rather in order to point out all the places where mercilessly editing it would tighten it up and make it a better read overall. Was it brutal? Sure, to my ego, for about five minutes. Then I got over myself and paid attention to what was being suggested. Some things I didn’t agree with, but I earmarked them to revisit in a bit while they tumbled around in my head. Other things were “duh” revelations, like a continuity problem here or there, or an overlooked grammar mistake.

After I sat awhile with those suggestions that I didn’t agree with, I went back and re-read with the edits in mind, and with a sincere effort to read the story like it hadn’t been living in my head for a while. Did I end up using all the suggestions? No, I did not – but I did use some of them, and the whole experience caused me to go back and look over the rest of my story again with fresh eyes, and make changes in other places. I came away feeling that my writing was improved, but still felt like mine. It’s still not perfect, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the writer who is 100% satisfied with her work, but that gives me glorious room for improvement, yes?

That’s what I mean when I say “know who you are.” I know what I want in my work. I am pretty confident in knowing my strengths and weaknesses – and I’m also aware that I have both of those that I might not see because I’m too close to the material. That doesn’t make me a bad writer [musician, artist, whatever] – it makes me a human one. I know who I am, what I want out of my work, and what I’m capable of; knowing that gives me the space to allow others to offer words that can help me improve. And knowing who I am also gives me the strength to reject or ignore the criticisms that aren’t designed to be helpful.

Does it always work? Hell no! But keeping grounded in that knowledge can help me weather the worst and keep growing. And that helps me to improve my craft, as well. Win-win.