Monthly Archives: November 2024

3 posts

Xiane’s Blog [112924] all those winter words

XianeBlog
…I want us to forget them [Wild Flowers, All About Eve]

I drink the tea that I let go lukewarm while I think about winter, and holidays, and the progression of time. It’s still early in the day for me, 10am–but I get up later than a lot of people do. I’m already dressed, but not quite ready to leave. Today Mom and I will go to the Festival of Trees, a holiday charity event for Kennedy Krieger that we attend every year, braving Black Friday traffic and poor drivers to get there and look at a display of themed Christmas trees and wreaths while we fight against crowds.

I hate being trapped in the throngs of people but I love the spectacle and the magical feeling of the event, so I put on my mask and deal with it, even though I know we’ll probably be the only masked people there and that I’ll be utterly exhausted afterwards. The holiday season is filled with complex feelings like this; I celebrate Yule and [secular] Christmas, which often feel at odds because of [religious] Christmas. Both Christopher and I have birthdays that are crammed into the holiday weeks. His comes before and mine is stuck in the weird limbo between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Winter holidays are always a bag of mixed feelings because of this. I get a year older, the world gets a year older; time marches on and has its way with us and while I’m glad we’re both here, I think we’re both feeling the weight of our age.

So the holidays have always been magical and joyful, but underpinned with a melancholy that’s haunted my life. No matter how happy I am, there’s always that existential dread under the surface, and I’m grateful for every twinkling light and jingle bell that helps distract me from it. This year the dread is louder than ever, because of *gestures widely at everything* –and I have no idea how to fight against it other than to lean into the magic and found moments of joy and being as kind as possible to everyone who doesn’t want people like me or those I care about to die or disappear. I’m especially focusing on those who are in positions of less power and luck than I am. They get all my kindness and whatever assistance I can offer.

That’s the best way I know to beat the winter doldrums and fight against the rising tyranny. I don’t care about stuff. I want kindness and justice and actually, yes, the downfall of this late-stage capitalism driven hellscape that the US has slid into. I can’t do much to put my boots to the ground in this fight, but I can contribute the skills I have. That includes my words, because words are powerful. It includes my resistance to being ground down by the ones who profit from it.

Fuck that, I’ll live and be joyful out of spite if I have to, if it burns their buns to see me out here disabled and queer and living my best life despite whatever dystopia they want to throw at us. Radical fuckin’ joy, my friends. I’m going to weaponize it if I have to. Let’s thrive despite all their attempts to crush the spirit out of us.

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A little note: I have a long history with this song, and actually used to do an a capella version of it occasionally back in the days of The Violet Dawning. It means a lot to me.
A pink and blonde long-haired person with dark glasses with the caption "meet Xiane!" and "omg, a real author!"

Who I Am, What I Do, Where I Belong

Personal

It’s been a while, so I thought I’d [re]introduce myself for the new folk as well as those who have been here for a while.

Hi! I’m Christiane, pronounced kris-tee-AHN. I also go by Xiane [zye-ann] or Xi [zee] and Chris is also fine. You could yell YO, PINKIE and I’d probably answer, too.

Who I am:

  • an older white genderqueer person with pale skin, long pink hair at the moment, green eyes. Glasses wearer. I generally present femme but have a range of gender in my closet, thanks for asking!
  • generally unapologetically fat
  • an old school punk turned deathrocker but with a wide variety of taste and interests, both musically and aesthetically
  • chronically ill; I have Crohn’s Disease that manifests in several ways and trust me, I will talk about it
  • an advocate for the unhoused because I have been there and know what it’s like
  • critical yet supportive of various activist movements and activities, much of which shows up in my books
  • vehemently anti-AI and pro-human creativity of all kinds
  • a proud resident of Baltimore MD – though I’m not afraid to call attention to its problems alongside its charms
  • an artist, musician, poet, DJ, writer… basically goodbye to any hope of a regular paycheck

What I do:

  • write speculative fiction set in Baltimore that I would definitely classify as hopepunk or hope-focused
  • create main and secondary characters that are queer, Black/POC, chronically ill, unhoused, dealing with mental illness, and/or come from challenging family situations
  • tropes like found family, reluctant hero, room to forgive/acts of atonement – but also faery food, houses with opinions, unexpected magic in urban spaces
  • use characters like my Fae folk as foils for the Mortal or more everyday characters in my stories
  • weave real observations and criticisms of today’s world throughout my fantasy stories
  • create my own lore and mythology while respectfully drawing from classical sources as well
  • promote and support other independently published established authors and newer writers who might benefit from my experiences
  • freely offer what knowledge and inspiration I’ve got through online and in person outlets and events

Where I belong:

  • indie author, queer, environmental activist, unhoused advocate, chronic illness, creative spaces
  • at SFF events on panels and in discussions, especially ones on creativity, self confidence, the ins and outs of self publishing, or belonging/not belonging
  • anywhere that there’s street art, handmade crafts, live music, dancing, and good food
  • on your bookshelf [well, my books do]

I’m generally outgoing and tend to be animated and passionate when talking about things that light me up. That means I’d love to chat with you if we cross paths at a con or event! I love to do readings from my books, and I love to talk shop. You can also reliably engage with me about fiber arts of all kinds, music and DJing, plants and herbalism, witchy shit, food from every culture, BTS, art in just about any medium and style, and a lot more.

Most importantly, I want to hear about you when we meet. Please don’t hesitate to say hello if you see me at events or selling my books somewhere. I’m eager to hear your stories, because stories are the most beautiful art we can share.

“If there’s one thing I have in surplus, it’s a positive outlook. So, I took some of that energy and wrapped it up in this tag. I guess you could say I imbued it with belief in goodness—in something better, you know?” She leaned forward in a gentle, encouraging movement. “I think you might need some of that. Maybe that’s insulting, but I hope not. Sometimes we all need some help, when things get dark and difficult.” – Vali [basically channeling me], Cast a Shadow of Doubt

Image with text that lists the writing eligible for 2024 awards

Award Eligibility 2024

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It’s the season for eligibility posts, and here are my SFFH offerings for this year! I have poetry to add to the mix this time, which makes me very happy as that’s how I started my career.

I had one novel this year:

A Third Kind of Madness is a contemporary/urban fantasy in which shy and insecure photographer Denny stumbles into a relationship with their muse, and discovers that union also comes with capricious elementals, hungry paintings, and threats from other artists who are unhealthily obsessed with Denny’s muse girlfriend.
Published May 2024.

“You can see that everything that you mortals discard eventually finds its way to me and my kin. It travels through the waters of the city to come to rest in the harbor. They’ve put a device now at the end of this channel to collect debris, but the emotions, secrets, and everyday concerns that travel with the trash escape those sorts of traps. And my kind? We hold it all. Those are our treasures.”

I also had three poems, all included in one anthology:

CAW: Poetry by a Murder of Writers invites you into a world shrouded in gothic allure, where every page whispers with the echoes of melancholy mists and velvet hours. This haunting collection pays homage to the literary greats who have long tantalized us with their dark elegance and brooding beauty.
Edited by Stasha Strange and Hyacinth L. Raven.
Published October 2024.

I have three poems in this collection:
⋆ Perilous
⋆ Wings
⋆ Death: A Song

I find this dazzling path confusing.
Let me crawl back to the undergrowth,
To the dusky spaces with crowded trees,
To the call of black birds from the branches.


As always, thank you for your support and love.

Also if you are a reader and enjoyed my work, A Third Kind of Madness is eligible for several categories at Write Hive’s Indie Ink Awards.

Possible categories include

  • Writing the Future We Need: Trans or Nonbinary Representation
  • Writing the Future We Need: Mental Health Representation
  • Writing the Future We Need: LGBTQ+ Representation
  • Writing the Future We Need: Bisexual or Biromantic Representation

Or feel free to choose the ones you feel fit best!