Browsing Category

A Small Light in the Darkness

    1 In A Small Light in the Darkness/ Essays

    What’s it like to be free?

    A lot of the time I post here with an intention in mind: talk about writing, my books, give updates. But why I originally started blogging, long long ago, was to collect my thoughts and share them with people who might feel the same way or feel seen.

    Lately my challenge has been to do all of the first part while the world is in crisis. Maybe that’s why my speculative fiction writing has turned more towards critically looking at the fucked up things that are happening these days? It’s been said that one of my great strengths as a writer is that I write believable, relatable characters–and I agree. It’s because they draw from my own experiences and thoughts, and those of people I’ve known, which is why they ring true. They often deal with situations bigger than themselves and have to make tough choices. Right now, like them, it’s hard for us to be surrounded by all these horrible things happening. We feel too small to fight on our own and sometimes even struggle to get our minds around the reality we’re in; it’s just so BIG and sometimes it feels almost unfathomable to understand how we got here.

    Note: it’s not unfathomable. It just feels that way, because looking at the steps that took us here is painful and requires us to be honest about ourselves, our society, and our roles within that society. Self-examination is a skill and many people aren’t willing to develop it or be honest with themselves, because they don’t like what they see. But we can’t change things if we don’t acknowledge our roles in those things.

    Self-examination and action. That’s what we’re missing.

    And of course modern life these days [carefully curated by the powers that want it this way] is structured to keep us from thinking and action. It’s no coincidence that instability, uncertainty, and the crushing weight of what it takes just to survive [much less thrive] keeps us off-balance and busy. That’s how fascism works. Meanwhile we’re out there struggling to pay the bills and keep our jobs while the very rich force us out of our jobs and do their best to dumb us down into a serf class. Or in my case, take away the systems that help to keep me alive. We’re only valued for what we can do for them.

    Of course that’s demoralizing. That’s the point.

    So how do we get free?

    Oh friend. If I only had a pat answer for that question.

    We need to pay attention to what others did to break free. We need to take our education into our own hands, as well as our entertainment, our goals, and our destinies. But the challenge these days is that we have propaganda and distractions right in our hands all day long, seemingly inescapable. Our entertainment, education, and communication system–the Internet–has been taken over and commodified by programs owned by the very people who look at us as commodities instead of people. Yes, the irony of me writing this in those spaces is not lost on me. Most of my network of friends and colleagues are accessible to me only through online means. It’s a conundrum that I can’t escape, so I do the best that I can to mitigate the harm and choose platforms and services that seem the least impactful whenever I can.

    No, it’s not a solution. It’s working within parameters that I can’t control so that I can exercise control somewhere.

    Every day I watch people just give up on those small protests, those tiny ethical choices that at least give us some way to rebel. But look: those small motions accrue. They add up to bigger impact over time, like how a tsunami might start small but swell to a huge wave or a giant rush of water. And if nothing else, they tell our brains the important message: WE HAVEN’T GIVEN UP.

    We have to fight for freedom.

    Some fights require hands or weapons. Straightforward resistance, you know? What most people consider the purest form of resistance, even if they don’t realize it.
    Resistance is more complex than an outright battle, though.

    Resistance starts with “No, I won’t do that.”

    • I won’t turn in my neighbors to a group of people who have been proven to be cruel and lawless.
    • I won’t use or endorse the tools of fascists like AI, crypto, or billionaire controlled and monopolized media.
    • I won’t discriminate against those of other genders/presentations/sexualities, nationalities/races, religions, cultures, social classes, abilities or disabilities; differences make the world richer and more vibrant.
    • I won’t spread propaganda or disinformation, nor will I be a party to banning books from any source.
    • I won’t support your hateful regime.

    What are your next steps? The positives, of course. What you will do. What do you stand for? What do you want to see more of in the world? You need to get vocal in your support of it. Speak up, protest in whatever way you’re able, call your political representatives or even show up where they’ll be if they won’t listen. Put your money, time, attention into the places you want to champion. In my case that’s support for the homeless/unhoused, feeding people, disability rights and benefits, gender and sexuality equality and acceptance, and education for all.

    What will you champion? How will you fight to be free?


    I guess if you were looking for a “regular” update you might not have read this far. My mind’s been consumed with two things: the upcoming book release of A Small Light in the Darkness, and our fast-tracked descent into fascism. It’s really hard to be out here yelling about pre-ordering my speculative novel while watching a war happen, various genocides, the rapid, orchestrated decline of reading comprehension, a number of environmental crises, and honestly too many other things to list out. It’s not like y’all don’t know.

    I woke up feeling both as hopeful and desperate about the state of everything as I could possibly be. I see people trying to do good in every way they know how, and others [generally those with more immediate power] sacrificing the planet and its inhabitants to line their pockets with ultimately worthless paper.

    And here I am with a story to tell you, to hopefully sell you.

    Apologies to KC Green.

    Maybe it’ll spark hope in you. Maybe it’ll serve as a welcome distraction. Maybe you’ll feel good supporting an honest-writing, deeply caring author who has dreamed of reaching you with their words and making a difference to you or the world.

    Maybe I’m just whistling in the dark. You can join in, if you like.

    Anyway, I hope that you pick something to champion today. And maybe pre-order A Small Light in the Darkness, if you want to think more about the decisions that my characters have to make and the big question of what makes us who we are.